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Best of days worst of days

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Richard 007, Jun 6, 2012.

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  1. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    Today , my wife and I decided to take our children out for the day , to give the kids some normality , to give them a break from what is a very unpleasent situation for them .

    We went to the National aquarium in Plymouth , it was wonderful , they really enjoyed themselves , it was so good to be all together and to see them running and laughing , we had lunch in a very nice restaurant , we walked on the beach and looked in rockpools , we were all together , we were our family .

    On the drive home , every mile bought me closer to the reality of my life , tonight at 6 my wife will walk out of our front door and go to her new partner . Nothing has changed , the charade of normality was , just that , a charade .

    The pain is worse than ever , today was like a slap in the face , it was like being grabbed by the scruff of the neck and told ......... LOOK , TAKE A GOOD LONG FUCKING LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE LOST AND DON'T YOU EVER FORGET IT YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT .

    I am so glad the children had a fantastic day with mum and dad .
  2. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Richard you sound like a really great dad. You're not useless. Your children need you to continue the "normality". They need you. The kids need more fantastic days to come. This isn't a pleasant situation for anyone. Continue being a great dad to your children.
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    As adults we have to face horrible things and we must live the reality of really hard times. I don't envy what you are going through and although my own loss is different from yours, I understand the pain that any loss causes. As adults we have a better chance of wading through these kinds of things than do children, so it is absolutely excellent that you and your kids were able to do what you did together. I remember when I was a child and my parents would take me to the aquarium and it's something still etched in my memory, reminded by your mention of the same type of place. Your kids will keep that in their memories too. It's not their fault that there are problems in the family, and it is not your fault either. It is encouraging to hear that you all went and did this together and it's fantastic that the pain you are living can be eased a bit on them. They are young and tender in the mind, more so that most of us. When we experience something horrible, it is amplified for a child. Hang in there on behalf of their well being, it does indeed sound like you're a fantastic dad.
  4. Richard 007

    Richard 007 Active Member

    Thanks pickwithsteve .

    My thoughts of death are at such odds with the life whithin my children , and for that I am so ashamed ........
  5. primrose

    primrose Well-Known Member

    Exactly how I feel :(

    And OMG!!! you are soooo not a sack of shit. What you did today was such a selfless sounding act, spending a day with your wife knowing she will be off to someone else later,for the hapiness of your kids, how many men or women could even do that? (Don't think I could) You may feel shitty, but I'm telling you now, to even be able to do something like that REALLY IS something.

    I'm sorry, I am new so don't know the background story. So hope I haven't read that wrong. But as I read this one post, I don't see a useless man. I see a brave, caring man who is obviously stronger than he realises!! I hope this works in your favour one day too :hug:
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Ditto to that!
    I think you are beyond brave and caring to do what you did..:hug:
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