Alright, so lately I've been incredibly depressed, I was content before, now I just really don't enjoy life in the least bit. The only reason I haven't already killed myself is because it'd put my family through hell, but I think about it all the time. I'm not quite 18, so I'm a bit young to be feeling this shitty, but I'll give you all a simple summary. 1. My family thinks I'm a complete fuck up, they don't say it, but they don't have to. 2. I've been heavily drinking for over 3 years now, and don't enjoy myself unless I'm flat out drunk (even then, I still don't feel happy, just better than usual), with that said I think I'm an alcoholic. I get drunk or high on a daily basis. 3. I do drugs frequently, they don't make me happy, but I feel somewhat content when I'm on them. 4. I've been depressed for a few years now, gotten uclers because of it, several weeks ago a girl who I've been nuts about since the day I met her started ignoring me after a few dates, she doesn't want anything to do with me (no idea why, she doesn't know about the drugs or anything) so since then I've been suicidal. That sounds like a lame reason to want to kill myself, but the only time I was happy was the short time I spent with her, once she left I basically just stopped caring about everything. I'm not willing to put my family and friends through my death, especially since no one even has the slightest clue I am suicidal, this is the only place I've actually come flat out and said it. But I'm affraid if I don't start losing these feelings I'm going to get more depressed and just go through with it despite how selfish it would be. Now I'm not willing to go through any theropy, or goto doctors or any of that, because the last thing I want is to be treated like a fucking mental patient. So please don't suggest that. Just personal advice is what I am looking for here.