Betrayed

I know I've put my friend through so much over the past month and a half or so, and I feel terrible for upsetting him. I truly believe he saved my life multiple times just by being there for me. But this time, I think he killed me.

He promised me he wouldn't tell anyone about my depression and suicidal thoughts, as long as I promised to let him know when I wanted to hurt or kill myself, so that he could possibly help me. I held up my end of the deal quite well.

Yesterday I found out that he told a mutual friend about "his experience" with this whole ordeal: that he had a friend who was depressed and suicidal. Then he proceeded to write a blog post about his suicidal friend, and posted the link to his Facebook wall, so all of his friends, including our mutual friends, could see it.

My biggest fear is that other people will find out about this, and I've told my friend numerous times about this intense fear that people will find out and judge me, and I fear that with this blog post, they will figure out that it's me.

I feel so betrayed right now. I understand I've upset him and he needs to vent just as much as everyone else, but I feel like that was MY story to choose to tell or not.

People are going to be suspicious, and I don't know how I can go on anymore after this.

Thanks, friend, for sticking that knife in my back, I needed something xxxxxxxxx

 

I am sorry your feelings were hurt so badly. Considering how much this friend has been supportive of you, I would assume he committed an honest mistake and was not out to get you. Once you feel up to it, you might want to approach him with it to explain your feelings about it. Some people might judge you but those who count will understand. There is nothing to be ashamed in feeling the way you feel. When my closed ones finally learned how far gone I was into depression, it actually lifted a wright from my shoulder and made it easier to rely on their support. Hope this help.

 

I was put on anti-depressants a few weeks ago, but so far I'm not feeling any better.

And he didn't use my name, just called me "Friend" and used he/she so no one would know the gender. But our mutual friends here at school all know that we were in the same city over the summer, and now I'm terrified to see any of them because I don't want to be questioned about it, but go figure, I'm supposed to see him and some of our mutual friends who might read his blog in about half an hour.

To make matters worse he put in the blog post that "Perhaps one day I will elaborate more on the situation with Friend, but that requires a post all to its own."

I'm so upset right now. I was already depressed and wanting to die, in addition to being stressed out because my college classes are about to start up again, I really didn't need this.

I just want to curl up in a ball and die.