I feel so bad like I just wasted a so many hours of a poor young man last night. He talked me "down". I had already started the pills and had the blade ready to slit my throat. He took the time to care and calmed me down and help me back to a safe distant away from that "edge". But today the thoughts are still there, the need to carry through is still strong. What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel like I'm betraying him so badly. I dont want to waste anyones time anymore!!!