I've only recently started getting professional help and medication which has helped me alot. I haven't shared too much of my "story" here b/c I guess by the time I found this forum, I was on my way "up". I'm still struggling but I'm being more vigilant and proactive about my mental health. Since I have felt better, I've been more social and willing to see "friends". I had to move back home b/c I was unemployed with no health insurance and obviously on the verge of ending it all. The "true" friends I have and can better relate to are far away while the "friends" here are from high school, never left, that whole mindset/lifestyle. In my experience, I live in a racist state. Things are definitely changing as it has become more diverse but that doesn't mean it's "better". I feel that with the economic recession, certain groups of people are literally being blamed for other people's economic struggles. I know it's not all black and white but this isn't going to be a political rant or debate right now. I went out with a friend and her boyfriend last night, thought I'd get out of the house and try to enjoy myself. He ended up making racist comments which I'm sure in his eyes were not racist. From what I know, he is struggling with his finances but @ closer examination, that's all on him and not anyone else's "fault". He didn't file his taxes one year and now it's catching up to him. Gee, what a surprise. Same with my friend. She quit her job as soon as they got together so she could be the housewife. She has had 3 kids before turning 30 and she seems to blame how she has too much to do and can't get things done b/c of this kid or that kid. The whole time I can't help but think, "Gee, no one put a gun to your head to have these kids." or "Uh, ever heard of birth control?" But, we went to high school together so it's one of those friendships where I don't "judge" her, per se, and just let her vent and complain. Well, needless to say, being around them just reminded me of how backwards this state is, how much I hated it, and why I left. I love diversity. I love meeting and befriending people from all walks of life to learn and expand my own world. I was a military brat and was lucky enough to live and travel all over the world so I'm sure that has some influence, too. I admit, at first, when I was struggling to find a job in my field, I found myself blaming other people. Then, I realized (duh!), this is my opportunity to step up my own game by 1) Furthering my education 2) Becoming more fluent in another language But, it's scary to hear the above comments because that is how the Holocaust started. We find scapegoats instead of doing the hard work of looking within and improving from there. I also miss being around people who are proactive in improving themselves within. My close friends (whom I am far away from) all went to therapy, studied it in school, or at the very least, have some knowledge of it and don't see it as a stigma. I know my high school friend is struggling with undiagnosed disorders but she has coped with drugs/alcohol in the past and now, just alcohol. That's her choice. She hasn't reached rock bottom and seems to be able to "function" w/o much collateral damage to her kids, I don't think. Either way, I'm not here to change her nor do I think she's ready. In the end, all this made me sad and angry. Luckily, not too depressed. Well, I'm fighting it anyways. I'm telling myself to stay motivated to focus on myself and what's important. I guess, it just made me realize that I'd much rather stay within the confines of my own "world" sometimes rather than deal with ignorant people. I got enough shit to deal with! Haha.