We'll never have our closure if I do this. If you had to choose between a slow but inevitable goodbye and a quick stop within your control...which would you choose? I don't want them to have to watch me die. I don't want to spend every day seeing how they look at me. All sympathy and exhaustion. Eight months isnt that long- people can take a college course, change jobs, almost create a new life in eight months. What can I do in eight months? Be a burden, be defective, be a strain on the people I love? Mom says she is glad that she can be here to help me...take care of me. I don't want to be "taken care of." I don't want her to fall into bed seriously tired out for no other reason than she had to do things for me.I should be glad for the time I have left but i'm not. I'm angry. I'm angry with God and with myself. For once I want to control something. I want to do this myself. End it myself. I think I might actually be able to do it. I think i've finally come to terms with what I have to do. They deserve better than me.