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Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by boo, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    I wonder if it is really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If for every moment you were truly happy, there would be 10 moments of sadness, would you chip in? But would the sweet be as sweet without the bitter?
    I see so many people whom have never been in a relationship desire that experience. But when i tell them that a broken heart is truly not nice, they just dont seem to mind as long they get to experience it.
    In my experience, not only did the break up tore me apart, but cremated my spirit. You see, when i entered the relationship i was a nobody. Unwanted, uncared for. But after I met her she was everything. Everything. Including my foundation, mypride, my purpose. The one i thought i could always count on. And it was so for a moment. Until she took all of her baggage and everything i put into our relationship and left.
    I was left empty, dumbfounded and lost. Sometime i see her mirage and i talk to it... yea i've lost it. And curse the day i ever desired love.

    So my question is : is it Better To Have Loved And Lost Than To Have Never Loved At All?
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm not sure. Because if someone has never loved at all, they've never had to experience the pain of something like you just described. But I guess they deal with their own pain too. I'm sort of conflicted on the whole thing!
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    You know what else 'they' say?

    "The most beautiful woman is one with a broken heart."

    ...can you believe that bull?! ><
    I can see what they mean- but still... it doesn't help the broken hearted person feel any better at all. All I feel right now is pain, and I honestly wish that I a) had never been born or b) never started dating my first love to begin with. I would've been much better off having a one sided love forever; then my heart wouldnt've been shattered and my trust for mankind, broken.
  4. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Better never become loved.

    But only if person lives alone away from this society because our society forced people want love and want become loved.

    So in this world all should try it once .... and only once with right person.

    There is all pains all to time without knowing what is become loved or not. Maybe even worse.
  5. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    its better to have love i think...
  6. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    It's better to never have loved, you can't stay in love in this society. Everyone expects shit to happen a certain way and people just lose attraction to one another after so long. It just happens. I'd rather never love.
  7. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    I don't think you can really understand how painful it would be to lose someone until you've actually been or are in love.. so saying that you'd rather have loved and lost if you've never loved seems redundant - you have no idea what you're setting yourself up for.

    Everyone has a right to their own opinion, and to not be criticized for it. Please keep this topic on track.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2010
  8. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    How you can say that? You do not know what people feel their body and their mind. That may be bigger than some loved dude never feel.

    If human have lost friends or familymembers that one definitely can feel the pain.
  9. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    True, but surely if you lose a family member and you're hurt by it then you loved them? Thus, you've experienced love enough to know how it feels to lose someone. Then again, most people would deal better with say.. a parent dying than a brother or sister because for most, its inevitable that a parent will die before them and usually a shock if someone near their age or younger dies. I think the pain of loss is different depending on the nature of the relationship.

    Its like.. if your child dies. I don't think anyone can really understand your pain as much as someone else who has lost a child. I can only imagine what its like for someone who lost their son or daughter because I have no children of my own.

    EDIT: Just to be clear, I wasn't criticizing anyone on here intentionally, I just meant that maybe people who say its better to have loved and lost when they've never loved themselves would reconsider after they've felt that kind of loss.
    EDIT 2: (Just quickly quoting OP to make sense of my post XD) "I see so many people whom have never been in a relationship desire that experience. But when i tell them that a broken heart is truly not nice, they just dont seem to mind as long they get to experience it."
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2010
  10. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    The most important part of the phrase is that you have been in love, you have had 5 minutes of certain emotions, highs, buzzes, that is what is asumed, whereas someone who hasn't has only ever felt pain and never love, therefore better to have had a moment of feeling love. The pain you feel now is the price of the love you have had. Most people get their hearts broken though, it is hard and damaging, but time can be a healer, will time heal lonliness? No you have to fine tune yourself not to care.

    There are always exceptions.

    But what does that song go.... owner of a lonely heart, so much better than an owner of a broken heart.

    End of the day some people are on here because they've never had anyone, some people are on here because they've lost that someone. Everyone is different, everyone has a different story and different pain, different ways of dealing with it. Sadly we are the one's who's pain goes too far, if the majority sank as low as we on here do then this forum would not cope with the number of hits it would get.
  11. closertolove

    closertolove Well-Known Member

    both losing a loved one and never loving is outstandingly painful, and i don't think you can necessarily compare the two pains. i've gone through both, and both are just awful
  12. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I used to think it was better to not love than to have loved and lost, but that was before I had experienced love (I'm talking about relationship love, not family love). Now I'm happier to have loved and lost because I know how it feels, and I can imagine what it would be like to love again. Before love, I was alone and lonely, and couldn't imagine it any different. It sucked. Now, I miss the one I loved, but I still feel better having experienced it.
  13. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I was going to post my opinion, but it's not really worth it. Everyone is so different, it's not a question that can be answered.
  14. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Ummmm, I just looked at this new post because I waiting for new opinion. Not worth to watch new posts without opinions.
  15. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Thing is everything that can be said on the subject has probably been said. So I've nothing new to say. I can only agree with one person and disagree with another. What's the point? It's like the old "Does God exist" question, if there's been no answer after thousands of years, I don't see that there's much anyone can say to contribute to the subject.
  16. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    HELL NO...the bitter memories live with everyday and I am a wreck..I hate my stupid heart for falling in love....I wish I was just an old maid wondering what love could have been instead I am interviewing potential fuck buddies cause I want regular sex but fear falling in love....hey you should see the dregs that are replying to my ad! Scary but better than loving and losing again....I don't have another break up in me.
  17. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    It really varies from person to person as we all take love and loss differently and it effects us all in different ways. Some peoples wounds heal in time, even if not completely, and others never get over it. Then there are those who go on to find love again, and those who simply never even consider it. So really, this question is impossible to answer completely. Everyones answer is only really going to be applicable to themselves.
  18. TomT

    TomT Active Member

    I've loved and lost more than once, the 1st and second time my heart was shattered, the last time I was just numb and felt no pain at all. Considering I NEVER want another relationship because of 3 failures I think it is definetly better not to have loved at all. When I was younger love was everything to me, now I associate it with fear and pain, so guess I'm one of those people who would have been better of not knowing what I was missing.

    Better to have never been loved at all than been broken and smashed.
  19. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I think it depends on how the relationship ends. I broke up with my gf on good terms, and we stayed friends, so it wasn't so bad. Some people break up with a fight, never speak to each other again, and leave with a broken heart. If I had broken up with her on bad terms I would probably have said "better to have never loved" because my opinion would be skewed by my emotions. I guess I was one of the lucky ones.

    It all depends on circumstance (and feelings), is what I'm saying.
  20. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    I think it's better not to love at all. Love is sad, it's not logical, you can't learn it or anything. It's raw emotions, and that's dangerous. Once emotions run loose anyone can get hurt. It just seems like a very tragic overratted thing.