Better to have loved?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by me myself and i, Aug 28, 2011.

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  1. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Is it better to have loved than have never loved?
    Would any of us really choose not to feel the emotion of loving and the feeling of anothers love.
    Yes, the pain of seperation is great but then again the feelings of being in love are immense. But then love itself can be so painful too and some of lifes most difficult decisions are based around love.
    Do we accept that through the experience of loss and heartache, this can only be a path on the never ending road of learning?
    One that teaches us more about ourselves and others behaviour.
    Teaches us what we will accept in life and what we will not.
    If we look in the mirror and at others, we all make mistakes, lets be honest about it.
    I for one am glad i have experienced love and being loved.
    What about you?
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

  3. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    In all honesty, I fell in love with my partner when I was at university.. but the separation of when he went to New York for 1 week (yes only 1 week but i was devastated!) really hurt me.. of course i got over the short separation but I actually think when he returned things had changed.. i had put up barriers so that i wouldn't feel so close and vulnerable.

    When we split up, 3 years later, i didn't feel anything really.. and it's been like that with all relationships since. It's like i can't let myself feel loved or feel love because of the pain that i know comes at some point.

    However it's a very, very lonely place to be.. so logically i think my answer would be that it IS better to have loved.. but on a personal level it's another story.

    Not sure if that answers anything really but hey ho :rolleyes:
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Mmmm, So forget logic ( a huge SF attribute) Would you not wish to experience the highs of being in love again? That desire to not be apart, when all you can think about is them? When you sink in to that heavenly space of reciprocated love? Without experience, how can we make a good decision....luck?
    Votes here now for those members who wouldn't want a lifetime of loving and being loved, guaranteed.
    Only allowed to vote if honest.
  5. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    You could ask me this at different times and you would get different answers :laugh:

    In the realms of love, of being loved and loving, then yes, all the pain in the world is worth the feeling of loving someone with all your heart and knowing you are loved unconditionally....... however...

    When I am in the realms of abandonment, then you could pay me nothing to start loving someone again, to being open to hurt, to being open to pain and abandonment.. NOTHING is worse than that.

    Overall, right now, I'd say being loved, and loving, is the best feeling ever, and is worth every obstacle and hurdle. But I would easily change my mind if my circumstance were to change.
  6. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I've never had the feeling of having my love reciprocated, which sucks, I think I would much rather love or be loved than to never have one of the two, if not both.
  7. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    Love... isn't worth the risk in my opinion. It's so rare that it works out, and so often that you're just left miserable by it... the pain of abandonment... is unbearable. The heart moves quicker than the head though, it's so easy to fall in love, when all rationality would say otherwise.
  8. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Not true. The first girl I ever fell in love with was a 14 years old, and I was an adult. I freaked out, and became a jerk to her to push her away. Then I became extremely depressed because I didn't know if I was a creep or not, so I tried killing myself a million times over. I also beat up on myself for everything from feeling jealous and possessive to being an ass. I still haven't fallen in love with anyone since, but it still hurts sometimes. I know deep down that I will always be alone and a virgin, and that I deserve to die for being a freak. No one will help though. They say I'm perfectly fine because I didn't do anything illegal, but I think they are just saying that to be nice.

    Screw falling in love, or getting a crush, or whatever you want to call the process. It was the worse experience in my life and broke every single piece of me. I'm ten times more insecure now than I've ever been. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I doubt that God exists because every priest I know says I chose to fall in love, but I tried so hard to push her away. Never letting her hug me or sit on my lap. Rarely ever buying her presents or saying the "L" word. What kind of choice is that?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2011
  9. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    its better to have loved if its mutual and you can get happiness from it

    for me, im so damn existentially depressed that i cant get any happiness from my relationship any more. im kind of on the way out though
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    A better question is: is it better to have loved and lose it than it's to never have loved?

    Loving someone gives you a sense of self-worth. It gives you a reason to live.

    Somebody to say "You're worth living another day because I want you here with me."

    Without that special someone to reassure us, we scour the universe in search of a replacement.

    But at the heart of everything is nothing. Without a distraction, we're reminded of this.

    Energy and matter and evolution of organisms to complex organisms.

    A moving wave that sprouts from itself all that we know.

    But, ultimately, it's just a interweaving of things with no inherent meaning.

    Humans don't want to be numbers or dust. They're emotions. They're meaning.

    And meaning is purpose is the presence of people or similar beings. Not nothing.

    On a deep, biological level, Adam needed Eve. And Eve needed Adam.

    Samuel needed Patrick. Louis needed Anna. And so on.

    Reproductive instincts created a kind of hardwired yet intense and enduring love.

    But friendship for friendship's sake is also a source of love.

    Platonic love of this kind is all around us in the form of people and animals.

    So, I'll conclude by saying: to never have loved is to not know meaning.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2011
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