between panic and euphoria...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KimKim, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. KimKim

    KimKim Well-Known Member

    i need someone to bring me back to the ground!
    here is what happened:
    i have bdd. i have not be able to really enjoy intimacy for more than a year. nevertheless i had sex...but it made me feel sick...
    however; lately i got to know a man on the internet. we met and got very close physically and mentaly straight away.
    on sunday we hat our second date...telling you that i feel kinda ashamed but we actually had sex. second date!
    but somehow it simply happened...and it felt good! i was not feeling sick at all.
    that really confuses me...
    but there's another thing...after the first time we were cuddling and chatting for quite a while and i realy can not understand how i could let it happen...we slept with another one more time and this time without a rubber -.-'
    it was heavern-honestly. and i take the pill, so no big deal...but where the hell have my principles gone?!
    this is just so wierd...i feel extremly good and happy...and this fact-this feeling makes me nervous รณ.o
    ahhhhh >.<
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Hey :hug: first of all - don't panic :) if you are an adult and if the sex makes you feel good - stop beating yourself up about it.
    Secondly - well done :) I have BDD and I know how hard it is to let anyone even look at you, never mind allow any kind pf physical intimacy. Whatever is happening here (and I don't know either of you so I can't really comment) if you feel safe and comfortable and it is making you happy - I'd suggest that you don't analyse it to death. Be sure you are making choices for yourself, and be sure that you are safe (I don't need to tell you that condoms do not only protect against unwanted pregnancy but all manner of other ickiness) but most of all, be sure that you embrace the feeling good and run with it, not away from it.
    Keep us posted :) :hug: