Bi or Desperate for Physical Closeness?

Discussion in 'LGBTQIA (New Forum)' started by 40andon, May 29, 2016.

  1. 40andon

    40andon Member

    I am in a dead-bedroom situation with my wife. We've had sex once in the past year, seven months ago specifically. This isn't a new pattern. She says she enjoys when we have sex, but apparently not enough to want it. We have discussed this in couples therapy and general conversation, but it seems there is no resolution.

    I've pretty much always been bi-curious sexually, though I have not really done anything with other guys. I'm not attracted to other men physically or emotionally. Lately though, my sexual desires have been "male focused". I don't mean to stereotype, but it seems that getting together with another man would be "more simple" to meet my sexual needs (based on CL ads that I have posted/responded to).

    I don't want to cheat on my wife, but my needs are not being met. Any advice?
     
  2. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Well, don't cheat on your wife, for one. Divorcing her would be more appropriate, but I wouldn't go that far just yet. Have you discussed or mentioned your bi-curiosity in therapy? Not necessarily in couples therapy, but at least in private counseling? Ultimately you'd have to be completely honest with your wife, when you're ready of course; just don't shoot yourself in the foot by doing something reckless like experimenting and therefore having even more to explain to her.
     
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  3. 40andon

    40andon Member

    I haven't mentioned my bi-curiosity to anyone, at least IRL. I am planning on talking about it in my next individual therapy session, unfortunately that's a month away. Our next session is the week after next. Don't know if I'll bring it up or not. If I do, it will be more or less spontaneous.
     
  4. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I see. How frequent are your individual therapy sessions? I think 1 month gaps in-between appointments are too infrequent in your case if you feel as though you might do something regrettable. Then again, if having an appointment once a month is all you can financially handle, then that's understandable. Nonetheless, I definitely second you bringing your bi-curiosity up during your next appointment, especially if the appointment afterwards is another month or so away. Aside from speaking to a professional, all I can really recommend is what not to do in this situation, lol, but I'm fairly sure that reaching out to your wife is a foreseeable suggestion. From what you had said about your wife, have you ever thought that she might be asexual? It's a possibility. Perhaps she just enjoys having sex as a bonding experience, as rare as it occurs, but isn't exactly aroused by it. I'm just basing this off the several sentences in which you mentioned her. I could be wrong.
     
  5. concerned07

    concerned07 Member

    Maybe you should bring it up to the wife in a indirect kind of way. ask her what she thinks about bisexual people. Maybe she feels the same way about women that you do men. Maybe a simple conversation could open up a bunch of things for the two of you.
     
  6. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    I am the person struggling with poor motivation and low sex drive. My Partner is finding it difficult, the reduction in my inclination. He wants desire. He wants effort and energy and desire to make him feel desirable. I'm too busy in a self pitying malaise.
     
  7. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    So.. I'm in a relationship, I have a boyfriend.. But, if I see a girl I think is hot or cute I'm attracted. Sometimes I think I'm straight then that happens and I think I may be Bi... I'm not sure.. It's killing me to not know who I am..
     
  8. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Would you say that you predominantly find yourself attracted to males and occasionally feel attracted to females? Maybe more than occasionally, but still not as often as you find yourself attracted to males?
     
  9. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure.. I guess so.
     
  10. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Either way, if you're finding yourself attracted to both sexes, regardless of which sex you prefer, I presume you're bisexual.
     
  11. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I would say so too..
     
  12. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I say this with the addition of experience, so I can empathize profoundly with how you're feeling.
     
  13. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    It's just hard.. Not knowing myself..
     
  14. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Yep. Granted, I've come to terms with my sexuality, but I haven't truly adapted.
     
  15. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    Yeah.. How are you..?
     
  16. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    How am I in terms of my sexuality or in general? At the moment? Lol, in terms of the former, I'm doing just okay. The latter two--quite garbage.
     
  17. MusicalHeart

    MusicalHeart Well-Known Member

    I meant in general
     
  18. AnotherChristian

    AnotherChristian Active Member

    So ... how did it go? (And subsequent sessions, I'm guessing.)
     
  19. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I would suggest you get off of here and download reddit, they have a very group of any kind of sexuality. You probably find better information there. Love you Little Sister
     
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