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Bi polar opinion

#1
I know no one here is a doctor but I have a question for my fellow mental health sufferers...
Two years ago I did something totally out of character due to trauma that occurred a year prior to that. I hurt someone I love, not physically but nonetheless hurt them. They have forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. I am now being treated for primarily ocd, anxiety and depression but I am starting to wonder if I should be on an anti psychotic of some kind versus just anti depressants as the episode with my brother wasn’t the only weird thing I did...no one else was hurt with my other odd behavior.
And now the fact that one day I feel pretty good and one day I don’t makes me wonder if this is a symptom of bipolar.
i know only my dr can tell me for sure but if anyone out there has bipolar maybe you can shed some light on this.
Thanks.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
I hope someone with BP reads your post @Hatingmyselfdaily but I think I 've heard that mood stabilizers can be added to your existing regime anyway, BP or not. You might also research or ask your prescriber about propanalol , which is a blood pressure med that's been found to help delete traumatic memories if taken 30 mins before a therapy session. I used to have a link to the info, but can't find it now.

I do hope you keep going, though we all know how hard this is due to the awful trauma you went through. A family member of mine suffers from a chronic debilitating condition and it took four years to find a med which gave any respite. It had been diagnosed as refractory (unresponsive to medication) by that point but other drugs were tried 'just in case'). Unfortunately it's not an exact science, and I'm hoping you and your medical team find what works for you too sooner than later *brohug
 
#3
I hope someone with BP reads your post @Hatingmyselfdaily but I think I 've heard that mood stabilizers can be added to your existing regime anyway, BP or not. You might also research or ask your prescriber about propanalol , which is a blood pressure med that's been found to help delete traumatic memories if taken 30 mins before a therapy session. I used to have a link to the info, but can't find it now.

I do hope you keep going, though we all know how hard this is due to the awful trauma you went through. A family member of mine suffers from a chronic debilitating condition and it took four years to find a med which gave any respite. It had been diagnosed as refractory (unresponsive to medication) by that point but other drugs were tried 'just in case'). Unfortunately it's not an exact science, and I'm hoping you and your medical team find what works for you too sooner than later *brohug
Thanks Lara. I will be talking to my dr soon. I keep saying I want to go to the hospital but I am afraid. I am so messed up. I know a pill will not solve it all but honestly I cannot do this much longer. Your previous words of the unknowns of death and how things could be even worse if we commit suicide are the only things that are keeping me here. I cannot bear to tell my husband the truth but I really should be inpatient ....so, so scared.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#4
I'm so sorry things are this bad but I think you really need to confide in your nearest and dearest instead of hiding it out of fear of his reaction. Living so close to you and knowing you all these years, I'd guess he senses something is very wrong, and may just be waiting for you to open up. If the siuation was reversed I'm sure you would want him to open up to you instead of hiding/ keeping these feelings inside.

So please consider the relief you could feel from opening up to the one who loves you most, is your partner in life, and who promised to be there for you no matter what. He doesn't sound like he would let you down. Remember too that this is an illness and that you owe it to yourself and him to get the medical care you need at this time. Perhaps in patient is
the best way to do this right now. Please stay safe, and we are always here for you too *brohug
 
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#5
I'm so sorry things are this bad but I think you really need to confide in your nearest and dearest instead of hiding it out of fear of his reaction. Living so close to you and knowing you all these years, I'd guess he senses something is very wrong, and may just be waiting for you to open up. If the siuation was reversed I'm sure you would want him to open up to you instead of hiding/ keeping these feelings inside.

So please consider the relief you could feel from opening up to the one who loves you most, is your partner in life, and who promised to be there for you no matter what. He doesn't sound like he would let you down. Remember too that this is an illness and that you owe it to yourself and him to get the medical care you need at this time. Perhaps in patient is
the best way to do this right now. Please stay safe, and we are always here for you too *brohug
Thanks...I have never been inpatient and I am petrified. My grandmother was 40 years ago, had Ect and it was awful. My mother is now in a nursing home suffering from mental illness. I had hoped to be spared the same fate but apparently not...though without trauma I may have Have you ever been inpatient,
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#6
I haven't , but things have moved on from 40 years ago, tho there are some psych facilities which are not great. There are also some very good ones. Have you looked into what's available in your area?

Psychology Today has a list of treatment centres by state/city you might like to look at. Some research into facilities might reassure you, I hope
 
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Winslow

Siamese Twin
SF Supporter
#7
No, I don't have bipolar but I had a neighbor-tenant who had. I don't know if I would call her a friend. Maybe more of an acquaintance. But a very familiar one as she was another tenant in this apartment complex. I did not know she was bipolar until one day when I went on my usual session with my therapist and was surprised to see Linda in the waiting room. Yes, she was a patient of the same therapist I had.
Afterwards we used to chat whenever I picked up my mail in my building's lobby as all of the tenant mailboxes are located in that area. The postman usually comes around 10, so whoever is home sometimes waits in the lobby until the postman finishes sorting the mail. It's at those times that I would usually run into Linda and we would chat. At one point, I had problems paying for my meds, so she helped me arrange for Co-pay so I then could co-pay an affordable amount each time. And she helped me with other things too, that were related to Our mutual problem. So I guess she was a friend in a way, because she helped me sometimes. But she was friendly with all the other tenants--that's the kind of person she was.
That's why it came as such a shock when I suddenly found one day that she had committed Suicide. She never gave me any sign at all, prior to that. I of course knew she was bipolar, but I thought her meds and therapy had it under control. I guess she hid her agony under a facade. In fact, I've heard the OP mention that she hides her agony from her family. I suspect many of us here do that. I do that too, sometimes, because I know my friends won't understand and would therefore shun me if I told them. So that facade is obviously a defense mechanism, which is understandable, and is obviously what Linda did.
As I said, I don't have any bipolar but Linda did, so I told her story in response to the OP. Let me say to the OP that Linda did not have internet so did not have access to this forum. If she had, then she would have been alive today. On the other hand, you, the OP, have the forum as a resource, so you have the advantage in staying alive. It will keep you alive the same as it did me.
Anyway, her name was Linda. May she rest in peace.
 
#9
Right now this forum is keeping me alive.....thank you.
I am hiding under a facade also,
It is you, too, who is keeping us alive @Hatingmyselfdaily ! So,,, just remember that!!! : ) now, I only briefly read your first post, and do this is in great haste but my initial knee jerk unqualified guess, is that no, nothing you’re describing is sounding to me - as far from an expert as one can get -but having read up on it a bit in the past wheh many in my personal life were accusing me of so (so everyone was spending like 5 minutes on webmd & diagnosis ing me as. . ; ) could get every one convinced but my psychiatrist 👨‍⚕️! Ha..;) ~*•> any way, I’ll try to stop back for more (as if this wasn’t enough—) to see if I can offer any further help, especially if no one else has chimed in. I see some already have. And although I haven’t read through them yet - just looking at / or going off of the names it looks like you’re in good hands 🙌 :^) peace ✌️
 
#11
It is you, too, who is keeping us alive @Hatingmyselfdaily ! So,,, just remember that!!! : ) now, I only briefly read your first post, and do this is in great haste but my initial knee jerk unqualified guess, is that no, nothing you’re describing is sounding to me - as far from an expert as one can get -but having read up on it a bit in the past wheh many in my personal life were accusing me of so (so everyone was spending like 5 minutes on webmd & diagnosis ing me as. . ; ) could get every one convinced but my psychiatrist 👨‍⚕️! Ha..;) ~*•> any way, I’ll try to stop back for more (as if this wasn’t enough—) to see if I can offer any further help, especially if no one else has chimed in. I see some already have. And although I haven’t read through them yet - just looking at / or going off of the names it looks like you’re in good hands 🙌 :^) peace ✌️
I doubt that I am keeping anyone alive unless of course they like to read my rants! I was once a very normal person ... other than childhood verbal abuse which I thought I overcame. I was then traumatized at the ripe old age of 59...right when I retired...nice ‘gift’ huh? Anyways, I then hurt someone else, can’t forgive myself and got diagnosed with a real shitty autoimmune disease. I do not want to die as I have the best family in the world but this isn’t living. My best to you,
 
#12
#13
Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s a lot of reasons why you’re in the place where you are. Or in other words: a perfectly good explanation.,, I think that, you’ve given your self one of the keys to unlocking this mystery, or dilemma , with which you are now faced - & that is, “forgiveness.” I would not downplay what was done growing up, even in especial words can have profound lingering effects that echo throughout, or are repressed, only to return later on in adulthood. And talk about the tragedy that befell you at a most inopportune time! It’s no small wonder.., so as I say, go easy on yourself—that’s ok 👌 & it’s allowed every once in awhile! :) been to the mouse house a million times (though ages ago...) although I tend to not have overly nice things to say about them, that is mostly just me being a premadonna! They’re job is to keep you here, not treat you like it s the Four Seasons . , ; ) trust me - it’s no big thing; & the more you do it (not that that’s something I’d necessarily recommend?) the easier it gets—
 
#14
Very tunnel vision think ing & ive been there my self ~ makes it a little easier to spot in others. Pills may not transform you completely, but they can prop you up into a place where the lifting doesn’t seem so heavy, you feel if not better , less horribly —& are then able to better manage your symptoms, and ultimately condition.
also wher e a doctor comes in handy in the assessing of these diagnoses; as if you read through them like the dsm (where they are all back to back to back to back), and take them like the Cosmo Quiz, you’ll have yourself diagnosed with a half dozen things in no time... ;) ask me how I know! :)
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#15
Well I only know this I talked to a girl with a girl online many years ago online on a dating website that was bi-polar and I didn't care much until she said "when she goes completly bi-polar she does not know what is saying or doing and becomes kind of violent" I was like to myself I got mental problems of my own and that made me afraid to have 2 crazy people together lol
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#16
I know people with basic personility disorder, met people that came back from war with PTSD which I have met in life I a have also talked to a few people here and in real life that have paranoid Schizophrenia like me also I have OCD, massive depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder

I run a business and have to keep my mouth shut about the things I see and hear and try to hide the movements I do from OCD and jumpiness from PTSD from everyone it is really hard to do,
 

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