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Big fat loser!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leiaha, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Nobody takes me seriously bout my inability 2 leave my house most days, even 2 put the rubbish out. Nor my panic attacks, insomnia, anxiety, or how hard it is just to get outta bed and face each day. Or the fact that i want 2 DIE! I'm only still here Becos other people want me 2 be, not Becos i want 2 be! So, what about what i want? Do i not get a say in my own life? Apparently not :(
    Life is crap. Life is shit, life is useless, life is a waste of time! I've known this from being very young, probably around 11-12 yrs of age.
    Life is what you make it so they say. Oh well. There ya go. I'm crap, i've made my life crap, i'm responsible, i'm 2 blame, as usual. So what! Who cares? Certainly not me, thats for sure!
    What's the answer? I'm just a big FAT LOSER! And, i want 2 SCREEEEAAAAMMMMMM!!!!
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Leiaha. You're not a big fat loser hun. You're a human being just like the rest of us and you deserve to be happy and loved. The saying, 'life is what you make of it' is actually quite true. If you don't do anything to improve your life, then it will stay the same way that it is now. You have to force yourself out of bed whether you want to or not and try your best to get some things done, even if it's something simple like taking out the trash. :hug:
  3. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    What do you want people to say? That its someone elses fault? That its your fault? That you are destined to experience life the way you are experiencing it? That you dont have a say in it? That you do have a say in it? That you have to keep on trucking through each day and things will get better? That things are going to get worse? That youre worth it? That youre not worth it?

    I think you want people to say what you want to hear so the above text will probably suffice. The fact is anyone can tell you how to live, what to feel, what to think, whether you should commit suicide or should continue living, what you should eat for dinner tonight or even if you should eat dinner tonight. But they cant do it for you.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    What kind of support system do you have to help you deal with these issues? Are you in therapy? on meds? have a freind you can share with? It may be difficult for you, but it is not impossible. If you allow yourself to lie in bed doing nothung, it will only make you feel worse. Without action you lose motivation and energy. Make yourself do things a little at a time. It may be something as small as making sure you are out of bed by a certain time each day. Maybe you step outside the door. Something to help yourself. :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Leiaha,

    I'm glad you are still with us today Leiaha. Last night must have been incredibly difficult for you. You had the courage to continue then, you can do it now too :hug: I'm here if you need to talk!
  6. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Yeah, thanks for that meandyou! Just what i need right now! Thanks a bunch.
    All i wanted was a bit of support, thats why i posted how i felt. Obviously that was the wrong thing 2 do, what do YOU want me 2 say? I wont do it again? You got it hun. . Thanks!
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hi dave and thanks. Maybe i dint explain properly, sorry. I have agoraphobia, most days i can go in my garden but no further, massive panic attacks etc. I do go out whenever i can tho, even if its only for 2 mins :)
    Sorry for my little outburst, think it was warranted tho.
    Lea :hug:
  8. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks sweetheart, i know you are, you're an angel! :hug:
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Lea,
    I also have augoriphobia and socialphobia. But thru therapy I have started getting out of the house and started driving my self again. I have certain places I go that I know I won't have a panic atatck. I try to go to the mall sometimes. The two times I went inside I had major panic attacks and don't remember driving home, I would just find my self sitting in my car in the driveway and don't remember getting there. Now that is scarry.
    The one thing I do is wait for my sister to get home and take me back to the store I went in to and we go in together. She supports me. Then she will try and get me to walk out into the mall and I just freeze. I tell her thats it take me home.
    My point is you have to make yourself try. I spent fourteen years locked in my bedroom peeking out the windows fretting that someone was after me. I have made progress getting out a little at a time. I started by going to this park down by the river and just sitting there watching the animals and watching people fishing. Then I would go home and put that positive feeling in a bank of sorts to use against my next negative thought.
    Nothing says you have to venture out right now, just doing little things around the house can be positive. Set goals for yourself and don't worry about any long term goals right now. Take care of yourself. I wish you luck!!~Joseph~
  10. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    I in no way meant to offend you. I think my point was lost. :unsure: My support came from a different spot than a pat on the back. It was more a slap in the face to try and wake you up..not to hurt you.

    The point i was attempting to get across while NOT trying to suond like an asshole was that its absolutley 100% true that life is waht you make it. But that doesnt mean everything you view as negative in your life is your fault. It means all the positive and all the negative..especially the negative, can either be things that you let make your shoulders heavy and your eyes fall to the ground, or things that you let build charecter, experience, and ultimately make you stronger. And that every success and good memory is yours to cherish and be a part of. That just because someone ELSE doesnt take you seriously, doesnt mean your feelings are illegitimate. That what i say or do doesnt define you, but what YOU say and do does.

    Life is crap. Life is shit, life is useless, life is a waste of time! I've known this from being very young, probably around 11-12 yrs of age.
    Life is what you make it so they say. Oh well. There ya go. I'm crap, i've made my life crap, i'm responsible, i'm 2 blame, as usual. So what! Who cares? Certainly not me, thats for sure!

    My point was, was that after reading this... I didnt quit caring. But i wasnt going to type a generic response of "you can get through this" without trying to drive home that I cant do it for you, and no one else can either. It has to come from within you, and believe me you haev the ability to get through this. You have the ability to realize that your life is not crap youre just looking at it in a distorted mirror. You are who you are. I think its time for you to see the real you, and not the you described in your first post.

    So heres a slap in the face Leiaha, followed by the biggest hug ever :hug: because youre not a piece of shit, your life is not worthless, and you CAN get through this. And not because i say so.

    With love
  11. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks, the sting is gone :)
    Lea :hug:
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