Big ol rant.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Dec 27, 2007.

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  1. Where do you go if no place is there to turn too?

    If the only person you can talk to, can trust, can listen to... isn't there?

    What do you do then?

    I panic.

    Long story short -
    I found alcohol and ALOT of paracetamol in the back of my mums car, including other medications, I've stacked it all under my bed and now the temptation to take them all and drink it all is at an all time high.
    My brother (well, I've known this boy for like, ages and we are super close and he knows all this stuff about me, so we call each other bro and sis) at the moment is unavailable, I have been ringing his mobile for the last 6 odd hours, every hour, on the hour. I really need him. He is probably the only person I can talk to, like, I can trust and who I actually listen to. He somehow makes me listen. Whether he uses bribery or just talking to me. Anyway, I don't know what to do, and I'm on the verge of taking them all and drinking it all but... I'm so scared, half of me doesn't, half of me does, I don't know what to do, yeah, yeah, you probably all going to say how pathetic I am, but seriously, if you constantly hear the voice 'take them, drink it, you are worth nothing you fuck up failure', then you know what I'm on about.

    So yeah...
    first time I've come for help in a bit, so...
    please help.
  2. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    There is a viscious cycle. It is thoughts provoke feelings which provoke actions.

    These actions provoke more thoughts, which provoke more feelings which provoke more actions. So it goes on and on.

    In your case it is thoughts such as "you are worth nothing you fuck up failure" you are going to feel like a failure, and therefore act like a failure.

    The place to cut this is the one part you have ultimate control over, the thought part. YOU have control over your thoughts.

    So with practice, guidance and maybe a therapist to help you see yourself differently, you CAN change how you feel about yourself, ultimately.

    As for the things from your mums car, I advise you to consider what I have just told you as a possible consideration before taking them.

    Just being aware that you can change how you view yourself is a revelation within itself.
  3. I don't control these thoughts.
    Infact, it's not a thought, it's a voice.
    I don't control what the voice says.
    It just... says it...
    I don't plan it, or think it...
  4. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am sorry. I thought you meant a voice as in "a niggling thought". The way I would express a nagging thought is to say "A voice".

    You are obviously talking about schizophrenia, of which I have very limited experience of. My best friends brother hears up to 5 different voices when he forgets his medication. So I symapthise with you.

    Have you sought medical help? I know there are some excellent medications out there that help treat schizophrenia.
  5. I haven't got schizophrenia, trust me, if I did, I'd know about it, considering my ex had shiczophrenia.

    It's not as if I can hear this outside my head, it's more... in my head... like, a really loud voice, but I don't control it...
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