I. Love. Eating. I. Hate. Food. I. Hate. Eating. I. Love. Food. See? My body is just so fucked up! I can't make myself vomit no matter what i do! <mod edit: bunny - methods> and still nothing! ARGH ITS SO UNFAIR! sometimes, most of the time, i wish i had a different body. why cant i look like someone else. someone like those pretty girls that i see in my face every single day at school, at home, in town, wherever i go. i hate this shit. I didnt eat for two days. then yesterday morning i got up and wasnt going to and saw a musli bar sitting on the bench open next to my lunch.. I couldnt help myself, ate the bar and then started eating the grapes so fast i couldnt believe it.. then i ate one of these choc straw things and then two more.. then i ate one and half pieces of cake and couldnt even look at food.. i went over the the laundry and tried my hardest to throw it up but no! NOTHING! WHY CANT I DO IT! so i went to school feeling sicker than i have for a very long time and my mum was telling me to stay home because of how i felt.. i said no i hae maths today.. i cant miss it.. i hurt so much.. got to school and almost ran to the bathroom.. its just not fair. i made it through the day.. but i wish i could throw up.. it would make everything so much easier.
Hi Ally...I used to binge too...it was a sense of control, that I could eat whatever I saw and get rid of it...like I wanted to get rid of so many other things in my life...when I get the urge to eat a lot, I drink a cold glass of water...by the time I am full from the water, the urge has passed, and I did something good for myself...just a suggestion...big hugs
