Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Zane, Oct 4, 2007.

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  1. Zane

    Zane Member

    I've posted elsewhere and it gets boring repeating my story so I'll just give you a brief outline...

    I'm really happy, most the time, really really happy. And then, as if to make up for it, with no trigger, I want to die. Most the time it is the evenings. I just feel empty and I lose perspective of the people I care about. What hurts is that I can't do anything. I am too weak to kill myself.

    I can't really explain, hopefully if you post I'll get it all out and maybe find some answers.
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hi Zane, welcome to SF. I hope you find it a help for you.

    Have you seen a doctor about this? We can't diagnose over the net but I think you should see a professional. If you are bipolar, there's medication out there that can help with your moods and will help you to feel more stable.

    Take care of yourself, and if you want to talk more, go into your feelings in more depth or to rant then feel free to post or PM me. Take care of yourself. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2007
  3. BravoFREAK

    BravoFREAK Active Member

    wow that sounds so much like me :(
    i dunno whats rong wit me!
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    sounds similar to me too.
    I always seem to be at my worst in the's weird.
    Do you have stages where you just feel high?
  5. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Feeling high accompanied by incredible lows are two of the many symptoms of Bipolar a google search there's a load of info on it on the web.
  6. Zane

    Zane Member

    Thanks for replying, it lifted me out of a low to see there were this many people who cared on here.

    To give you a better picture here is a post I left somewhere else another night which no one replied to:

    "Ok, I know compared to some of the problems here mine is nothing and I probably overreact and that makes me feel even worse because I'm being selfish when there are other people who probably deserve help more than me, but I just want to get my feelings off my chest and I found this place and decided to. I'm a generally happy guy, I have a great girl at the moment and some generally supportive friends, hell I even find myself feeling happy to the point of being high for no apparent reason. But some evenings it's the total opposite, I don't have an in-between, it's either the stupidly happy ignorant of all problems bloke or this other guy. When I'm like that I don't trust anyone, I get paranoid about everything even over people I know I can trust, I don't see the point in anything... I start to beleive there is no point to anything because everything ends in sadness :( I can't really explain as well as what I actually feel... And the worst thing is that I know I never will have the courage to commit suicide, to end it. I feel like it but I don't think I could... I haven't even got close to trying. I used to self harm but it was never anything serious because I am a coward... I don't know whether these have anything to do with it but I am 16 and I've done cannabis and hallucinogens in the past plus some relatively heavy drinking, my parents have hated each other since I was 8 but could never afford a divorce, now they are finally getting around to it... my grades suck and my relationship with my siblings is relatively fucked... I feel stupid for letting all this out here but I've typed it all and it'd be a shame to waste... hey maybe someone can help me :)
    Either way just trying to put it in writing has made me feel a little better. Thanks."

    And in answer to your questions I haven't even considered seeing a doctor before. I guess it is kind of stupid of me but either way I'd be reluctant to do that myself.

    And I understand what you mean about feeling high, I think I mentioned it in the quoted post above but yeah.

    Thank you everyone :)

    And to the guy who said he felt the same I'll let you know if I find out anything more :)
  7. Zane

    Zane Member

    Please help me...

    I want to stop feeeling.

    I can't bear to go to sleep because I hate waking up and pretending everything is okay.

    I just had to lie to my mum about how I feel, I can't go on like this.

    I was begging the sky for there to be a drunk driver tonight as I walked from work along the main road.

    Someone tell me a painless way of ending it. I don't want to hear why I should stay here.

  8. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Zane- YOU are not selfish, not overreacting and certainly not are dealing with symptoms which you don't understand and feeling out of control. You don't need to belittle and say others need more help- I do the same, but you are important too.
    If you can trust your mum, talk to her about seeing a dr. That would be most ideal considering your age. I lived a long while before I got help and it did loads of damage to my life.
    Take it day to day, in the meantime.
  9. Zane

    Zane Member

    Thank you, that is the most sensible thing I can do now. I might try speaking to her but I'm worried she'll think I am overreacting or the doctor won't believe me or something, what happens then?
  10. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    You can't really overreact if you are only discussing your symptoms. If you have a pain in your arm and the dr. finds cancer, is that overreacting? Or being sensitive to what your body (gut) and mind are tellling you!! Remember, prevention is best!! The dr. is a quack if they do not believe you. Then, you may want a second opinion.
    Many clinics have medical dr. and psychologists on staff. A good psychiatric doctor can go a long way in setting you up with social workers, counselors, medication IF need be. Depending on health care and/or finances.
    I think, the only ones that can diagnosis a person are M. D....This is just my opinions.

    Of course, they may think it is just a teen issue and then you may have to pursue some research on web or local town of resources available to you. But, you can get help and will not have to suffer half your life, like some of us. Take care.
  11. Zane

    Zane Member

    Thank you :)
  12. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    welcome. I doubt I helped, but if you have any questions, PM me and I'll try to see.
    Mood disorders can feel very strange and unplesant when you are confused; it may help to have a diagnosis in order to work with your moods.
    In the meantime, I'd recommend journal writing, 1. esp. to write in calendar form how you feel everyday, 2. feelings and events that concern/bother you.
    There are things you can do to make it easier on yourself. Don't blame, compare with others. And keep writing here as long as it helps.
  13. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    TLA has gave some great advice and also made a lot of sense. You are not being selfish, the last thing we should do is compare our problems to others because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, if there's something that is bothering you then that's a problem that needs solving and we're here. :)

    I think you should see a doctor. From what you have described it certainly does sound like bipolar but like I said in my other post; we can't diagnose you over the net. It can take a lot of courage to see a doctor, and sometimes it's the fear that puts us off, the fact that we don't want to 'bother' other people with our problems or they have better things to do etc but don't put it off - I suggest you make that appointment and if you can, maybe take someone with you, the company will help you. The first step is always the hardest.

    The doctor should believe you, I can't think of a reason of why he wouldn't - the things you have said in this thread have convinced me and are genuine symptoms. Maybe, if you want, you could print out a few of your posts in this thread and give them to your doctor, or write out your feelings beforehand and give that sheet of paper to him/her.

    Does your girlfriend know about your lows? How about your friends and family? If you could talk to anyone around you that would be great.

    Take care. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2007
  14. Zane

    Zane Member

    I'll take all your advice into account and I'll start keeping note of when I get low on some sort of calender like you said TLA.

    In regard to telling people I've told a few friends but they don't really understand *how* low I get. My girlfriend does know but I don't know how to explain it properly to anyone without any real proof so I was a bit vague. She just tried to cheer me up (it works quite alot of the time) and said that it'd make her really happy if I could be happy too. I haven't told any of my family.

    But yeah so far so good, it's Wednesday evening and my last low was Sunday morning which I think's quite good :)

    Thanks all :)
  15. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I'm not sure it does sound like bipolar but then again there are many different levels of it. I know that in depression some people are more depressed when they wake up and others are more depressed in the evenings, so it could be part of that. With bipolar the 'high' parts tend to be very overblown and grandiose thoughts and expression (eg the belief that you can do anything), excitability, inability to sleep, talking very fast, confused, jumbled thoughts etc and it doesn't sound as if you fit that pattern. However, the best thing is to google it and do a bit of research and if you think it fits your symptoms then go to see your doctor. It can be quite well controlled with mood stabilisers, such as lithium.
  16. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Family is the toughest to tackle. Mostly cuz they are supposed to know/accept and love you unconditionally. They sometimes do not have much compassion for mood disorders, from my view. But some are very caring on the other hand. You can gauge it or drop hints.

    I think you are on the right path just to monitor yourself. You will know what is right. I hope that you can talk to an aunt, uncle, mum or grandmum. Even a school counselor about signs you see.

    I think extended times from a mood swing can also tell you something about symptoms!! Stay safe.
  17. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I feel you pal, highs and lows... often inside of the same day, or a period of hours
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