Birthday blues? Or what?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Maniae, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. Maniae

    Maniae Well-Known Member

    Today is supposed to be joyful, I guess. But mostly I have been pretending to be happy because everyone feels like life is such a blessing & I should be overjoyed. Not saying it's not a blessing but today just marks a day older in a stagnant & unproductive life. My life is going to no where. I am now this easily agitated, only see negative, don't understand why others are so blissful, wish disaster around the world, type of person. Yet I think about the future and want people I encounter success. Contradicting emotions? I have children and it's very difficult not being able to give them a jump start on adulthood. Depression has made me feel like all achievements in my life has been in vain. After all, what do I really have now? I hate leaving home because seeing happy people makes me feel angry & sad... at me. Why isn't it me (any more)? Could I be envious? Jealous? I hate to think that. I find more solace imagining tragedy upon others sometimes. E.g. I saw a guy riding bike across street, my first thought was how awesome it would be if I saw him getting hit by a truck. Isn't that awful?
    What is wrong with me? What is happening to me?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Your thoughts are very strong, please remember you can only control what you do. Try and give your children the best start to life possible. I can understand your jeaousy of ''happy'' people but I have come to accept I am nothing like them, i'm an introvert. Are you seeking any professional help for your depessed/suicidal thoughts or on any medication?and dare I say happy birthday to you. You have kids that love you now try and love yourself. ((Hugs))