Birthday blues? Or what?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Maniae, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. Maniae

    Maniae Member

    Today is supposed to be joyful, I guess. But mostly I have been pretending to be happy because everyone feels like life is such a blessing & I should be overjoyed. Not saying it's not a blessing but today just marks a day older in a stagnant & unproductive life. My life is going to no where. I am now this easily agitated, only see negative, don't understand why others are so blissful, wish disaster around the world, type of person. Yet I think about the future and want people I encounter success. Contradicting emotions? I have children and it's very difficult not being able to give them a jump start on adulthood. Depression has made me feel like all achievements in my life has been in vain. After all, what do I really have now? I hate leaving home because seeing happy people makes me feel angry & sad... at me. Why isn't it me (any more)? Could I be envious? Jealous? I hate to think that. I find more solace imagining tragedy upon others sometimes. E.g. I saw a guy riding bike across street, my first thought was how awesome it would be if I saw him getting hit by a truck. Isn't that awful?
    What is wrong with me? What is happening to me?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Your thoughts are very strong, please remember you can only control what you do. Try and give your children the best start to life possible. I can understand your jeaousy of ''happy'' people but I have come to accept I am nothing like them, i'm an introvert. Are you seeking any professional help for your depessed/suicidal thoughts or on any medication?and dare I say happy birthday to you. You have kids that love you now try and love yourself. ((Hugs))