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Birthday coming; no celebration.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Krem, Sep 10, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    My first 15 birthdays were celebrated to some extent, with people and family members greeting me, some even giving gifts. I liked it, and though I did not like all of the gifts, it showed me that they didn't despise me enough to break social protocol, which was nice.

    My 16th birthday, I invite my then-friends over for pizza, snacks, movies, and some pool in my garage (We were keeping it for a friend of the family; his pub had no more room). None of them bring gifts, some mumble "Happy birthday". It's over fairly quickly. I get invited to some of their birthdays- 2 of the 5 people whom were there invited me; my best friend, thought not leading by much, and the DM of the group. The girl whom I thought I loved did not, even though we'd been friends for 6 years or so by then. But I don't know if she even celebrated hers; I don't recall ever knowing of one. The last two invited the others, except the girl, and some additional boys they had befriended. Not me, though. Later, when I'd meet the others, they'd ask why I wasn't there. But I've not asked why I wasn't invited- I've come to accept it.

    Even family members don't bother saying hello anymore, when they come visit my grandmother, or my parents. If they happen to see me, then maybe, but they'd make no attempt to alert me of their presence.

    Now, my 17th birthday is coming up. I'll get to decide what's for dinner. I'll also see my psychologist then, for the first time in months. He has been absent, or something similar, and has said that he'd call, and "forgotten". That'll be the high point of the day, the dinner. Although if I were to tell my last online friends, all 3 of them, they'd probably wish me a happy birthday, if only because it's an unwritten rule.

    And this is made worse by the posters I've seen previously in my life, where people unknown to me where having large parties held in their honour, people whom by all standards are neither exceptional nor important. There'd be fliers around the streets and schools, to come join [Name]'s "sweet 15/16/17/18/19".

    And I see, aswell, people gathering together for even lesser events than surviving our harsh, dangerous lives. Some times, even strangers would join in the merry-making, and all would laugh, smile, and be giddy. But not I. Oh, no, I'd just glance from the corner, speaking to no-one and be spoken to by no-one.

    But I should know better than to be bitter towards the others- After all, I've made little attempt to befriend them over my few years. To think that they should pay attention to me, when I've not shown them any, is childish. To expect others to read your mind, and then put effort into pleasing you, is even more so. And yet, knowing this does not comfort me. In fact, it furthers the bitterness- To see one's own flaws when faced with reality..

    And, the proverbial cherry on top, I get to spend ~65 more years of this. Except I'll need to work harder those years, than I have previously.

    But, no, it's totally worth it. Just because.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand exactly what you're saying here and I'm sorry you have to feel like that about your birthday...
    I hope the anticipation is worse than the actual day...
    what would you like to do for your birthday?
  3. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    Doing something with friends would be nice, haha. Replacing the Pope and recieving global religious domination would be better. But getting friends, and doing something with them, would be good enough.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope your birthday is a great one anyway...when is it?
    sometimes when we don't expect it, it can turn out ok..
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2010
  5. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    How can it be a great one, if it'll be just like any other day?

    Next week.