Birthday Suicide. Not what I wanted.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by patodemuerte, Oct 17, 2007.

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  1. patodemuerte

    patodemuerte Well-Known Member

    I don't WANT to kill myself necessarily.
    Though, I can't live in this life, as myself, with this society.
    The world is no good. People are no good.

    My set date is creeping close that it falls about a god damned week before my birthday. How pathetic. I wont even get to celebrate my own birthday, and if i do it will be in a hospital. I'm turning 17. What kind of birthday is this?

    My mother is saving up money for it, she wanted to know what to get me for a gift, I told her we would have a day dedicated to me buying whatever I wanted. Too bad I wont be there to do it. I figured that money would go toward my funeral, so I dont feel quite SO guilty about leaving them.

    you guys. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to die, Im suicidal yes but only as a last option. I hate myself but that doesnt even cover the extent to which I dislike me. I cant live for others, and I have no will to live for me. what keeps me back is that my parents will feel like failures. They dont deserve that, especially from me. I'm so confused.

    I'm going to end up in a casket or in a hospital on my birthday. Not too celebratory this year I guess.

    Its my fucking birthday. Why cant I be happy? Why cant I go on my shopping spree carefree and not have the urge to die? Any other 17 year old girl would be ecstatic. I dont know what's wrong with me.
    :sad: :depressed: :cry:
  2. i wouldnt do it intill after christmas really because ur birthday might be a great day which makes u happy or a last birthday to enjoy as you know it is your last and christmas as ur last christmas and enjoy it you may even forget the sucide idea.... your a girl? who lives where in the world? i want to die 2 but im scared to do it because i care bout people in this world but seems like no1 cares for me like i care bout them :( .

  3. firelizardee

    firelizardee Active Member

    I too was suicidal when I was 16, but I decided to wait for two things: one was to die by the time I got to 45 if I was still alive (I'm now 44) and the second was to die if I could ever say that more than half my life was spent depressed. I've been depressed on and off for over 30 years.

    Please get help, call someone, its worth trying, you are so young and have so much potential. I know the world is messed up and horrible, but we can do our bit to make our world or our immediate surroundings better. We can be nicer to people, we can spread goodness around and hope that others also spread it around. Smiling at someone is infectious.

    I've had some good times and made some good friends and I've done some things and had some achievements. I've also had some dreadful times and made loads of mistakes but then I've been diagnosed with having Borderline Personality Disorder and that makes relationships with others difficult.

    Talk about your feelings with a dr or on this forum, talk to The Samaritans or a youth worker, a teacher. If your mum is caring enough about you to talk about a gift I'm sure she'd want to know how you are feeling.

    It's not necessarily the end right now. Humans have a strong will to live, otherwise a lot of us would just lie down and die.

    Give people a chance to help you.

    Suicide is a permanent solution to what could be a temporary problem.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You say you don't want to suicide and you don't want to die, yet you will not live to see your birthday. I am not sure i understand. you are the only one that can decide what happens. If you don't want that choice, you don't have to make it. Please seek help. Talk to someone. There are people willing to listen and help you find other options. As long as there is any doubt in your mind, the answer is life. Things may seem like they will never be better, but we never know for sure what the future holds. Tomorrow may just be the most wonderful day you can imagine. Don't miss out on the chance. :hug:
  5. peaksnvalleys

    peaksnvalleys Member

    When I think back on all the times I felt absolutely done with life and was ready to end it, I also think of all the good things that came after, all the things that would not have happened were I not here to live them. I am glad I never ended my life, am glad to still be alive, because things have gotten better for me, because I chose to live. It is the struggles in life that make us strong, that give us the power to live our lives purposefully.

    I hope, sincerely hope, you can say all this years from now, too.
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