Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by NoOneKnows, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. NoOneKnows

    NoOneKnows Member

    Well my dad died when i was 7,now im 21, and i am still not ever his death. Last year around his birthday, starting about a month before, all the way until a month past his death day, i was a total reck. I would cut, alot and deeply, and i was very suicidal. I am scared because his birthday is coming up again and i don't know what to do. i want to visit his grave, but i would always be a reck aferwards. but if i don't visit him i feel like im abandoning him. The first time i visited his grave was when i was 19. i really don't know what to do or how to prepare. His birthsday is april 27th and he died june 11. what should i do. im lost. plus my grandma just died 4 months ago, very subtle. If i start to freak over my father, what's gonna happen when the thoughts of my grandma comes up.
  2. Perhaps you should change your birthday routine. Instead of mourning his birthday, why not celebrate it? Graves have a tendency of being so gloomy. If it's harmful to you, why not honor his memory in a different way? Instead of visiting his grave, make him a birthday cake and get together with some people. Or if you don't think you can handle giving that much attention to the situation, do something more subtle to honor him. Put some flowers on your windowsill and dedicate them to him, or do something nice for yourself. It's his birthday after all, so celebrate his life instead of his death. Celebrate the fact that you were able to have him as a father, instead of the fact that your time with him was limited.

    This is all easier said than done, of course, but it can be a goal at least. For now, just do whatever you can to keep yourself happy, both for his sake and your own.
  3. NoOneKnows

    NoOneKnows Member

    Thank you for responding. I was actually thinking about getting a birthday cake. But i never really thought about flowers. Great suggestion. Thanks!