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Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by endlessskies58, Sep 8, 2009.

  1. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    i turn 21 on saturday and i'm dreading my birthdays already.

    ever since last year i find that i hate my birthday.

    a day where i'm supposed to feel loved.
    well, i don't feel loved.
    and i'm terrified to have that manifest into reality.

    i want to throw a party but i'm terrified to.
    if only i didn't like this guy.
    all i want to do is impress him.

    but i feel like such a failure that if i throw a party and no one shows up, it'll make me look like a fool to him.
    i could care less if anyone shows up or how many people i see.
    i'm just scared of what he thinks.
    he already makes me fell like shit.

    and of course there is my ex.
    we have the same fucking birthday and last year was his 21st.
    he threw a huge party that everyone went to.
    except me of course. i wasn't invited.
    how can i match that?
    if i can't then i will feel like a pathetic mess.

    thank god i can buy mass quantities of alcohol to drink the day away.

    isn't it sad that i'm happy that i get to go to work that day so i can see coworkers that i love but don't think give a two sh*ts about me?
    or even worse... hate me? think i'm a fucking weirdo? that i suck at my job?

  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Well, first of all happy early bday wishes.

    Why do you need to impress anyone? For that matter, why do you want to impress a guy that, as you said, makes you feel like shit (although how does he do it?).

    Idk... Ive never had a bday party. I feel just fine goin out to a restaurant with my family or something. If my friends wanted to throw me one that's fine, but doesnt really matter to me either way. Just do what you want to do and dont worry about the rest... it's your bday, do what makes you happy.
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Please take care of yourself. Sorry for your troubles but we care. Are there not any friends you can count on to come? Hope you have a good one anyway. Please take care!

  4. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Trust me, saying this as a guy, if he has any feelings for you then you won't be able to do anything but impress him, he'll probably think your cute when you're tying up your shoe laces :)
  5. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member


    thank you guys!

    much love!
    i feel much better now!