Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Serendipitous, Sep 30, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    So today is my 19th birthday. And I know I should be happy about this cause yay cake, presents and all that crap. But I don't. I feel empty. Not excited or sad even, just a big blank slate of nothing.

    I was in the bath earlier and I thought 'I could drown myself right here and no one would know for hours.' But I got out quickly cause otherwise I'd actually do it and I have no desire to be found naked.

    Plus my friends seem to have forgotten. It's 4pm already and I've had a lot of things from my lifeline, my online friend (comments/Pms/Gaia presents and all that) but nothing from my so called friends.

    So how hard are birthdays for you? Are they easy and make you feel wanted and like for this one day you want to stay on this earth or is the irony appealing to you, to leave on the day you arrived?

    I know this isn't exactly taking my mind off it but there's someone in the house now so I feel less like I'm gonna do something stupid.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Serendipitous, Happy Birthday, hun!:IrishDoll: *hugs*
  3. No1_knows_me

    No1_knows_me Active Member

    I had my 19th b-day a few days ago as well. And yeah, I felt nothing either. The day was like any other day and then the next night I just cried and was looking for info how high an 8 storey building is in meters. I had to get back here that day and it's always kinda hard for me to leave home not knowing when I'm gonna get there the next time. If I ever even will, that is. And my parens didn't even order kebab like they usually do on my b-day :( I hate my b-days in general. Everyone else always makes such a huge deal of their b-days and they seem so happy planning on where they're gonna go celebrate the day and so on. I'm stuck home alone.
  4. drewlaw27

    drewlaw27 New Member

    I hate my birthday too. I feel pressured to do something coz its my birthday but dont feel like doing anything and then feel bad later coz i done nothing. Dont really see the point in celebrating the fact that im older anyway. I think birthdays are like xmas just for kids coz when you get older its not just about the presents its who cared enough to simply just wish you a happy birthday. I hope your friends got in touch and i hope you enjoy the rest of your birthday.
    Remember that people do care even strangers like me. xxx:birthday:
  5. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    happy birthday, i don't like birthdays or christmas. my last birthday was spent on my own, through choice tho.
  6. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Happy Birthday to you!!!

    I also no longer get excited about my birthday anymore.
    Just another shitty day for me like any other.
    Now days I just like my birthday to pass quickly and go unnoticed yet I really feel alone if no one wishes me a Happy Birthday- even though I don't see anything "Happy" about it.
    My birthday is in June and I just spent it alone- like every other day.
    I did go pick up mexican food take out that day and then stopped at a frozen yogurt shop to get two different flavor yogurts.
    The day of my birthday just makes me even more depressed. Shit I don't want to get even older!
    I have thought about ending my life on my birthday before- probably every year atleast the last few years.
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I don't care to really celebrate my birthday either but like you I also feel bad the next day when I didn't do anything for it. I don't want to get older either- nothing "Happy" about that. Yeah- to getting wrinkles- YEA RIGHT!
  8. WorldBurns2Death

    WorldBurns2Death Well-Known Member

    birthdays after 21 suck
  9. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    They remind me that I've lived another year in despair and still have no hope.
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry that your birthday is such a bust for you. And I think people put way more expectation into them than is necessary. Most important dates and holidays have become bigger than they really are. At the end of the day they were nothing but a way to keep greeting card companies alive. Hell they even make up days so that they can make cards to mark the ocassion!!!!!

    We are constantly bombarded with ads and pics of kids having birthday parties with all the trim, bangles, ponies, clowns and cake. 4 dozen "friends" and the perfect weather and place!!!! Or the perfect restuarant with the perfect people and couples, the perfect bottle of wine, food and desert. And again tons of friends to sing happy birthday.

    But where in RL do these happen? I'm 46 and havent had one of those yet!!

    Hun if you just try to make it through the day the best you can, then you've given yourself the best gift and day anyone could. :arms: Belated but happy birthday!
  11. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You probably wont believe me but here goes anyway......

    First, there is a fine line between happy and senility. The older I get the more "happy" I seem to be. Atleast that's what I like to think. Others just say I'm getting senile. lol

    The older you get the more "freedoms" you seem to enjoy.
    You arent as hard on yourself about your looks, figure, scars, imperfections, behaviour. You arent so worried about the clothes you wear, if you're wearing the lastest fashion or if soemone has the same outfit as you. You dont look at the opposite sex or rate them because of their looks. You start looking at enjoying people for who they are on the inside more than the outside. You start to let go of some things that you dont really need to carry around anymore. You start to enjoy you!!!

    I'm not saying things get better. Or that everything changes or becomes easier. But you sure seem to be a lot more kinder to yourself as you age. Know what? Give me the problems that come with aging way before the ones I seemed to have had as a teenager or young adult. I wish I could go back sometimes and share the life secrets I know now with myself back then.

    Ahhhh just the ramblings of an old fart. Damn..... cant see what I typed and either the phone is ringing or someone's at the door. Ohh if I could only get up faster to go see and stop the damn ringing in my ears!!!!!!!! And if I could only remember which ear I put the pencil behind so I could scribble down the message if there is one. Hmmm think I'll go take a nap, all this activity has pooped me out(lol). :wink:
  12. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    Flowingriver: Thank you. :rose: It turned out alright in the end.

    No1_knows_me: I'm really sorry about that. ~hugs~ It's annoying cause you feel like the universe should be perfect on that one day and when it isn't it hurts even though it's really like every other 364 days of the year. ~sighs~

    drewlaw27: Thanks. My friends let me down a little and a few of them I've still heard nothing from but when my family got home they tried really hard to make up for it. I've not done much today aside from eat, sleep and watch Pinky and the Brain reruns... :blink:

    Stig: Thanks. I never do much but I like for people to text or call and say happy birthday, you know? If they're grateful I'm alive then that's ok by me.

    Autumn01: Thank you. And I'm sorry you were on your own for your birthday. I got really upset the other day cause it seemed like none of my family would be back earlier than 8 for it so it looked like I'd be on my own most of the day. And although my birthdays have been crappy before - I have the worst luck - I've never considered doing anything bad before now. It makes me sad. Maybe I am getting older and birthdays/holidays don't mean the same to me anymore.

    Kittylover: On the other hand it's another year that you're still alive. You wrote that message only a few hours ago so I'm grateful for that. I know I think about my own death frequently but the deaths of others really upsets me.

    itmahanh: Tell me about it. My birthday is usually my immediate family getting hyper off coke and I hole myself in my room with my new books and the left over crisps. Honestly I think I prefer that to the nuclear perfect idea of birthdays. Oh and thank you. :rose:

    The cake was good though. :cake:
  13. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    I don't have birthdays. No cake, presents, friends, celebration, etc. so I really don't know how I feel about them.
  14. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    Wow. That's really sad. You're like Leonard from the Big Bang theory. :console: Loads of cyber hugs! :pinkrose:
  15. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    I don't celebrate Birthdays at all. My whole family is like that. It is just another day of your life. But I am grateful and thankful for an extra day in my life.
  16. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    Well Happy Brithday :3
    That sucks that your friends didn't remember.
    Friends should remember that stuff. I wouldn't forget my friends.
    If I had any in real life :D

    Who needs a birthday anyways?
    Birthday schmurthday .
    You should be acknowledged every day. :3
    Do something good for you today.

    I haven't celebrated a birthday since I was 10 lol
    or christmas or any other holiday.
    So holidays suck anyways. Bleh.
    You don't need them :3
  17. Serendipitous

    Serendipitous Member

    dreams4life: Well, if you're glad to be alive that's good. :hamtaro: I was in a bad place earlier but there's half an hour left to go now and I'm like 'Hey, I'm 19. Well done me for not being hit by a car/falling down stairs or letting your shitty moods get the better of you.' XD

    ForeverForgotten: Thanks. ^^ ~offers cyber cake~ It's good cake.
    I didn't mind when they replied late cause they have all just started uni and I have to allow that they're in a strange place and it's all hectic. If I get something tomorrow or the day after even that'd be nice. Just something.
    You make a lot of sense. Birthdays shouldn't just be the one day we're special.
  18. danicarr

    danicarr Member

    Happy b-days to everyone, even it's already past or not any time soon :D
    I agree though, I dislike planing my b-day and I have a feeling that this year it will be worst, since people might expect something big for my 18th, arg. oh well.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.