bisexual, scared, and lonely

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by nhunt, Sep 14, 2010.

  1. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    I'm bi...obviously. I just admitted that about 4 months ago, but i knew i was since about maybe 2 years ago. I started liking one of my best friends this summer and still do. I only told 2 people so far, and they're my close friends who i know won't care and won't tell. Thing is...i know my mom would never accept my bisexuality. In fact I'm leaning more towards the girl side of the bisexual scale than the guy side...my mother told me once she would completely disown my as her daughter if i am gay...which i basically am. Now i'm scared out of my wits. Want a gf but can't get one because i don't know any bi girls/ lesbians at my school. I have no idea what to do.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Its best to just take your time with it. To be honest I'm a bi-sexual guy and have thought that I may be leaning more towards the gay side but I have yet to even kiss a guy and I've admitted to myself and a few others a couple years ago that I am bi. Now as for your mom. Its always a shock to parents to find out that their kid is gay. It may just be best that you slowly ease her into the fact not just outright come out to her.

    It may be easier on her to accept if she slowly starts to realize. Admitting and realizing that you're bi is definitely a life changing thing and its likely to take time for it to fully become a part of you...if that even makes sense. Just try to adjust to it. I hope I was some kind of help...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  3. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm kinda in the same situation :tongue:. I'm just a guy :laugh:. I only just told the first person in real life that I was gay maybe 6 days ago? I actually felt good for telling someone. I didn't actually tell her verbally, I wrote it down to her because she was asking if I liked a girl. Well that girl was a guy! :laugh: But he isn't gay so :mad:.

    I'm in a fairly small school so, generally if you're gay or what ever most people tend to know about it. Because everyone's lives are so crappily boring they have to talk about others, ya know?

    I'd say it gets a lot easier as we get older. Because as soon as I get a job I can easily just say I'm gay, instead of hiding it and then eventually telling someone.

    I'm a really shy person, so that probly doesn't help the situation. That and social anxiety, depression, you get the point.

    As far as I know, I think my parents have a kind of idea that I'm gay. But I think my grandparents are completely clueless, LOL. When ever they come over to our place my grandpa is like "There must be a bird that's hanging around ya at school?...". So? Even then, I'd be fucked if I told them. Stupid retarded old people! :tongue:

    I think I'll tell my parents when I get a boyfriend or something. But as soon as everyone knows that I'm gay at school, my brother will find out and I bet ya that he'll tell mum and dad -__-

    I don't act overly 'gay' but when I come out, I wouldn't be surprised if my parents end up saying "About fucking time." Lol :)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  4. SweetVitriol

    SweetVitriol Antiquitie's Friend

    First up, welcome to SF..I think you have found a safe place to discuss whatever is on your mind & hope, like the other posters that you will find like minded people here who will not judge or scorn..

    I am also a bisexual man, I knew since I was very young that I was though it took me several years before I would admit it, first to myself then to my father..But by the time I summoned up the courage to tell him, he had already figured it out..

    You should never apologise for what you are..If you find both genders (Or even your own gender) attractive then so be it..Over the years I have found that parents accept their children whatever happens..They just need to come to terms with it in their own time.. You never told us how old you are..I do not meant to sound condescending but for most people discovering attractions to people of the same gender is all part of discovering who you are during teenage years (As it was with me, and many years later I still find both equally attractive)

    The only thing to be weary of is your peers reactions as teenagers can be judgmental & so cruel when confronted by what they do not understand (Not a generalisation)..Please use SF to express what you feel uncensored..No one here will scorn you for what you are or not..If you ever need someone, just reach out & someone here will take your hand..If no one else does, then drop me a PM & I promise that I will listen..

    Take care hon..Peaceful thoguhts to thee
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  5. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    i am a teen...but i'm hundred percent sure i'm bi. I've thought about it for more than 2-3 years and only recently admitted it to myself because i really wished i wasnt...my mother completely disapproves of bi and gays. she thinks they're retarded and stupid and disgusting. she actually told me if me or my brother turned out gay she would stop acknowledging us as her children, which is why i've given so much thought into my sexuality. but yeah...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  6. 000000

    000000 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. As you can see there are people here in a similar predicament.

    I have been bisexual for roughly nineteen years. I still keep it inside and have only told two people to their face over the years. My mother would probably be fine with it but I find the whole situation about everyone in my family knowing very scary. I don't think I will ever be comfortable with that in my life.

    For a long time I wanted to be with someone of the same gender and it tore me up. It took a decade for me to act on that. While I did not engage in penetrative sex, I had a very special weekend with a colleague when I was working away. Really, I know how important it is to connect with someone when you are faced with desire that you know is deep in your heart. Maybe one day I will find the courage to do it again but I lie to myself that it is not what I want.

    My preference is also the girlies but then again I am a guy so it is not exactly surprising. :D

    I guess what I am saying is that you have to let things come to you naturally. You have already told two people and seem fairly honest of your sexual preference. I don't think you will have any trouble meeting someone. I wish you all the best.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2010
  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Hello, welcome to SF!

    First off, let me say that I know what you are going through. It's a very rough time in the life of any gay/bisexual person. I would not recommend coming out to your mother unless you have a plan set up on how you would survive if you were thrown out of the home. While it is not pleasant to contemplate, you need to be prepared for the worst possible scenario if you do decide to tell her.

    Congratulations on coming out to your two friends - the first time is always the hardest. I'm glad that they took it well. It is very difficult to be friends with someone that you have feelings for. If you find out a way to get over them, send me a PM!
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I was thinking that I was bisexual too, but the thought of making out with a guy is disgusting. Maybe the best thing to do would be to have a boyfriend and occasionally see your girlfriend? I'm sure your boyfriend will not mind and might even be turned on by it. ;)
     
  9. SuicidalAgain

    SuicidalAgain Well-Known Member

    I know what that is too. It's not like my mom isn't accepting, she loves us, she's an intelligent woman and I know that she would accept us, no matter who we are, even if it takes her time to come to terms.
    I'm a guy and I don't feel disgusted by the thought of kissing a girl, but guys are more my thing. I usually say that I'm gay, but I know I'm at the gray of the kinsey's scale. Sexuality is a very broad subject and it confounds me to limit myself (and others) as exclusively gay or exclusively straight.

    You're the only one who knows when to tell your parents. I've had a pretty good experience, with it's ups and downs, but I can't complain. My mother accepts me, my father doesn't know but it doesn't matter because I only seem him once a week. I can tell you that it's a very scary experience and we can't predict how our parents will react. Some parents say that they knew and were waiting for them to come out, that must be amazing :) My mom asked me a bunch of questions, I'd say that's normal and you should totally inform her that being gay is normal, but remember that somethings you should keep to yourself. For example, my mother sort of asked me if I was a top or a bottom, and that's personal so I didn't answer.

    Anyways, remember that it's a risk, the outcome can be a catastrophe or heaven, but either way, it sets you free. Nowadays it's not so hard to be gay, imagine a gay person in our parent's generation, or even a generation before that, it must have been hell!

    Wishing you the best of luck! If you decide to come out, let us know what happens. And good luck finding that special girl :)
     
  10. nhunt

    nhunt Member

    thanks guys. I know i'm just going to stick through this until college. its just a lot of stuff is happening and admitting my sexuality is...well tough since i have so many things going on as well...but thank you
     
  11. down-and-maybeout

    down-and-maybeout Well-Known Member

    please don't despair, i know it's hard to feel that you have to keep something so significant from those close to you

    in my experience there are more bisexual girls around than there are straight ones, so i have no doubt that it won't take you long to find a kindred spirit or a soulmate