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Hey. I noticed there was another thread on bisexuality, but I didn't want to hijack her thread and distract from her support (as people often blame me of doing ._.), so I thought I'd just post in a thread for myself.

I'm bisexual too. I have had two steady boyfriends but no girlfriends, and I just feel like there's this hole inside me that hasn't been filled. My ex liked to talk about me doing girl-on-girl stuff as though it would just be a sexy show for him to watch, or me experimenting sexually, like it would be something devoid of emotion. And I listened to him, and only after leaving him did I realize I was stifling a part of myself just to be what he wanted me to be. Like everything else I ever did with him. I forced it down, pretended it didn't exist, and only now am I feeling the pain. Like years of loneliness all balled together.

My current boyfriend understands this part of me, and I am grateful for it. But I still feel like I don't belong anywhere - like people in the gay/lesbian community wouldn't accept me because I'm not "really" gay, but I don't feel straight, so I'm not a part of that community either. I don't know where I'm supposed to fit. Also I hear from so many people that they don't think there's really any such thing as bisexuality, that it's just what young people who haven't figured themselves out yet call themselves...that's what my mom says, anyway. Well it took me several years to be strong enough to call myself this, and now I'm supposed to hear that what I am doesn't even exist??

I'm walking this border where if I step to either side, the people there will give me these dirty looks for intruding into their territory. But I can't stay on either side too long. I feel unwelcome among gays and lesbians, but I feel abandoned among straight people. And I feel that I have to pretend I'm straight in order to feel a part of my peers, and if I ever bring up my bisexuality, I laugh and make a joke out of it, like that's all it is. I feel that's what *I* am - a joke. My boyfriend tells me that I'm being paranoid about the gay community not accepting me, which is prolly true - I haven't tried hard to be a part of it, for fear they won't accept me, fear that I'm somehow "not allowed" to be a part of them. I don't know. >.< This ended up a lot longer than I expected. (See why I didn't want to post it in the other thread? >.< It would have just been rude.)

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
WEll there is bisexuallity so don't let anyone tell you there isn't YOu are who you are and the hell with everyone else thinks or says Just be you okay don't let others determine who you are hugs


Well-Known Member
I had the same experience the time I dated a girl- I wasn't a true lesbian so I was somehow a traitor. It was like they had to prove that they were completely lesbian.

Then again, as you mentioned, there is pressure from men sometimes to put on a show, as if we'd do something sexual just to turn a guy on. So bisexuality is kind of corrupted by people, even though there are people who are truly bisexual.

How have I met girls? Well the times I ended up with a mutual attraction, even without dating, it was at mostly male gay bars that I went to with friends. Also sometimes you see a girl in passing at they give you "the look" and if you're receptive to it, you notice it- even if nothing happens.
If you want to meet a girl, notice when one is flirting with you- she will probably seem kind of intense and interested in you. You have to play it cool and kind of smile and wait awhile into the conversation. Tell her she's cute, like not when she's fishing for a compliment, but kind of out of the blue. That way you can tell by the way she reacts whether she understands what you're getting at. It's hard to get this right but it's kind of fool-proof.

It's complicated, especially because lesbians tend to hang out in cliques, and it's hard to find the "right kind" of bisexual girl but there's less at stake I think than a gay man hitting on a straight man- I think straight men react more often negatively than girls. so that's in your favor

Sorry for the long post but I hope it helps somebody. I dunno why the hell I end threads, but this may be the end of the thread because for some reason I'm a thread killer. Sorry about that.
the common 'joke' i hear said to bisexuals is "ah your just greedy" which implies a disgruntled attitude to them.
also, their partners feel they have to work twice as hard to keep them, or dont have what the bisexual truely wants. cause if you wanted a woman you wouldnt want a man part, if you follow me. but yet you still are after men. so...
Its just the brian and how its wired.
A gay person doesnt undertsand liking teh oposite sex.
A straight person doesnt understand liking the same sex.
Why would they understand liking both?

I'm just weird, cause i would class myself as gay. but i have a partner who is a guy, been with him many years. and i am still with him because i love him. i can sleep with him and not be disgusted and can still enjoy it. but other men i wouldnt(and havent) enjoyed being with. been with women, and well. yeah :biggrin: and i have always just found women attractive. so. I'm just weird lol
Dunno if my ramblings make any sense or help at all :S
Oloriel---I know what you're going through. I avoid letting myself be labeled as "bisexual" for several reasons, but the main one is that the term carries a host of assumptions and cultural bias. Because people like us DO face the kind of hostility from various subcultures that you're describing, sometimes we hide and try to blend in with one culture or another (or various ones at various times). There are more of us out there than I initially realized, and there are a lot of people who DO treat us like human beings (rather than extensions of our sexualities), especially after they've had these things explained to them and/or been corrected for their insensitivity. I've reached a point in my life where I don't hide it among friends (I mean, a business setting isn't really appropriate for discussions of that nature anyway); if someone is uncomfortable with it, I let that person handle it; if someone treats me poorly because of it, I usually use my correct and ignore feature. :-P However, this isn't so much a function of high self-esteem as it may appear. I've just gotten to the point now where I don't have the emotional or psychological energy to spend on pretending to be different from who I am. It isn't like I walk into a social group and say, "Hi, I'm into girls," or something; it's just the sort of thing that comes out eventually when I make a comment that makes it obvious. I definitely get some negative reactions at times, but I don't have the emotional or psychological energy to worry about that, either. I've discovered that most of the people in the social circles I enjoy (because of shared interests, etc) are either tolerant or accepting---or learn to be, if they want to avoid my correct and ignore. Regardless, I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know that I've experienced the same sort of insecurity and fear that you have---in fact, I still do (I just don't have the energy to spend much time on it anymore)---and to let you know that acceptance is out there :) And by the way, I see sexuality as a sliding scale, not a set of "baskets" we can lump ourselves into! Sometimes figuring out what I even want is harder than accepting myself...

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