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Bit Lost

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#1
Wow its really hard to know what to say to start with.

I guess i joined here as im searching for an anonymous way to express myself to people who might understand.

I feel so lost at the moment, each day feels like im wading through jelly. It all feels so pointless, meaningless and monotonous.

All i think about is a way to finish it all to make it stop and how i can do this without the people i care about being hurt. They think i am feeling "a bit blue" and will try and get me to do things, or buy me things or just plain get angry. I dont want anything from them at all so I have perfected the art of making people think i am fine, ive fooled doctors, family, friends and councilors. Its getting harder to maintain though.

I tried to reach out once, i was fobbed off. I just want the world to stop.
 

NiceGuYKC

Well-Known Member
#3
Welcome to the forums.

I don't think you should try to fool your doctors and councelors. You should give them a chance to help. I totally understand you hiding your true feelings from your friends though.
I do exactly the same thing.
 

Speedy

Staff Alumni
#4
SF has been a great outlet, and has helped me more than counseling or anything else has. Welcome, and I urge you to continue to explore here and reap the benefits of this place! Hope something or somebody here will surprise you :) xx
 
#6
Thank you for the welcome.

I think the biggest problem is that whenever i do reach out and try to get help im either brushed off or people think im doing it for attention. They couldn't be further from the truth honestly i really dont want attention, i dont want people looking at me, i dont want the stares or the pitying looks. I dont want people to tread carefully or swap those looks when im around. I think mostly, i just want those few people who do care about me to stop - then i have nothing holding me back anymore.

There are two things keeping me here at the moment. My three best mates, which are my two dogs and my horse. The other thing is i dont want to hurt my mum, she may be one of the main reasons i want it all to end, but i she has no-one else.

After a really bad week where every waking moment was filled with suicidal thoughts I reached out to my case manager, i sent her an email and i wanted to recall it right away. I needn't have worried, she didn't reply for a week and when she did well she just gave me the link to the beyondblue website. I figure if she dosen't care why should i?
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#7
People who think you are reporting such painful feelings for attention are truly short sighted and lack compassion...maybe the next professional you see, have a list of things you want to say and if questioned, ellaborate upon the items...people who truly experience something can describe it...best of luck to you and please keep advocating for your well being...you are worth it
 

Stranger1

Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
#9
Welcome to the forums..I agree with the others that you should be honest with your pdoc and therapist.. They can only help from the info you give them..Maybe sit down and write your thoughts out as you have them..
 
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