Wow its really hard to know what to say to start with. I guess i joined here as im searching for an anonymous way to express myself to people who might understand. I feel so lost at the moment, each day feels like im wading through jelly. It all feels so pointless, meaningless and monotonous. All i think about is a way to finish it all to make it stop and how i can do this without the people i care about being hurt. They think i am feeling "a bit blue" and will try and get me to do things, or buy me things or just plain get angry. I dont want anything from them at all so I have perfected the art of making people think i am fine, ive fooled doctors, family, friends and councilors. Its getting harder to maintain though. I tried to reach out once, i was fobbed off. I just want the world to stop.