blabla

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by blub, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. blub

    blub Guest

    Ok :dry: why do i still feel ok?? I keep taking more ibuprofen and more, but still feel the same. I dont wanna feel a thing, I just wanna feel vague and sleepy. How much did i take again, uhm, 14, thats 5600 mg. I will be fine, right? Maybe i need to take more, i wanna take more, how much can you have of this shit. 3 a day. guess i dont need them the next 3 days >< Hopefully i can sleep the next 3 days, owno fuck, i have this meeting for a job tomorrow, i dont wanna work again, i wanna sleep, but i need the money, blegh why did people invented such a stupid thing as money.
    I dont wanna feel anymore, why cant i just be this robot, who does everything right, so I dont worrie my mom, she said to my sister she slept bad last nights and having nightmares about me. Why am I so retarded or why cant i hide my stuff better. I dont want to worry her, i lover my parents so much, that i'm still alive. I wish they knew i loved them so much, but i dont want them to know i feel so bad.
    I dont wanna be this happy silly girl anymore, why does everyone thinks i am that, why does everyone says the want me like that, why does everyone says they miss me like that, why cant i just be myself. Because this is taking to much energy. I really collapsed a few days ago. I even cried again, I havent cried for months. Guess still have some feelings, good to see. Now i wanna just take some more pills and be this fucking robot.
    Oh wait guess the alcohol is working now, now I'm feeling a bit sleepy and heavy. sorry or all this blablabla, but i just felt like writing some stuff. need to let it out, ghehe guess I posted it on the right place of the forum ><
    :hug:
     
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hun taken ibuprofen at that amount is very dangeruous, Trust me i've been their and its very addictive as i found out. But from experience all its done is lead to stomach pains. Esepcially when drinking, it hurts like hell. Believe me thats not something you should go through. Liver failure is not something you wanna go through, its a VERY VERY VERY painful way to die. Don't take anymore sweetie, they won't make you feel sleepy. It will just make the whole situation seem worse, trust me on that. Please don't take anymore, its not worth it. I know what its like with ODing on pain killers so if you ever wanna talk then you know where i am.

    Love ya hun,

    Viks x
     
  3. blub

    blub Guest

    no i feel fine now, i dont mind the stomach pain, hate my stomach anyway, we dont like eachother, and if it hurts it dont want any food in it, i know, i've done this before, but a smaller amount, i feel actually good now, but thats probly because of the alcohol, only having a headache, but my breathing goes nice and slowly, far away from panick attack, feels good, and i cant really think, just comes out my mouth, feels even better, i should take more, dont mind dieing anyway, should happen someday, why not now, why should i live longer like this. Nope no single reason why i should do that and if you think you know one, you're wrong, because you dont know a fuck about me. oh shit >< lol i know one, my family, well they can live without me, will be easier without me, ok the first weeks, months, years, might be difficult, but than everything will be fine for them and they will remember the smiling happy me more than who i am now. Ah fucking headache, sorry, just writing wht i think, lol, this is funny, nah not really, ok sorry again. guess you're right viks, have had enough today, but some alcohol might make me somewhat happier, because everyone likes to see me happy, huh, yeah thats what they say, if they would pay for it too, that would be nice, ok, this has become my most rambling post ever, sorry for that. maybe i should write now on my blog, feel like writing now. And i'm sorry i deleted 78 people this past weekend of msn, owno deleted more yesterday, 81 people. I already regret some of you, but its for the best, isnt it? Because i want you to remember that happyy silly crazy girl, because yeah, now my parents know i'm depressed, i can act like i am.
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Blubs you fucking stop it!!! I mean it, not soft soaping this no more. You stop taking those bloody pills YOU HEAR ME !!! STOP you'll damage your liver. You don't care...well I do so STOP FUCKING DOING IT!!!

    Be as depressed as you like, can take depressed. be as maniac as you like, can take that. CAN'T TAKE DEAD BLUBS !!! GET IT !!! NO WAY!!! So u just stop it. :mad: :sad: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  5. blub

    blub Guest

    goign to take more, wjo cares anyway, not me, not you, no one and thats ok
     
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I care and so many others do, and you can't say we don't because no one but no one knows what's on someones my or in theit heart but that person, don't fool yourself loads of people care, stop lying to yourself. Please don't take those pills hun, it could hear you. and not gunna be the pain you want, do you wana be hooked up to a machine that drains you blood then puts it back, it's painful and makes you sick, you will had to do that every other day for the rest of your life if you don't stop this.




    This is not and I repeat NOT somethjing to fuck with.



    :hug:
     
  7. blub

    blub Guest

    I really dont care hun, i really dont care anymore, it never gets easier, it never gets better, why not take more, and no people dont care, i'm just a laugh, i'm just a fuck, i'm just a loser, i'm just a retard, thts how everyone treats me. Why cant people just be honest, letting me think they care about me, well I know they dont, only my family, and sorry i just dont give a fuck anymore, i wanna die, i wanna die, i'm even crying, apathy me is crying, i finish this pack and just hope its enough to make me sick, make me die, make me go away

    :cry:
     
  8. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    blubs, please listen to caz and dev!

    Ze hebben gelijk. Dit is geen pijn die je wilt hebben, echt niet. Er geven wel degelijk mensen om je, Blubs! Zoveel mensen geven om je echt waar. en als het kon zou ik zo alle pijn van je overnemen! Als er ook maar iets is dat ik voor je zou kunnen doen laat het me dan alsjeblieft weten, ok? Ik zou je zo graag willen helpen. Laat me er voor je zijn, alsjeblieft. Ik geef om je, heel veel! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    xxx
    Ester

    ps ik hoop dat je mn smsje had gekregen met mn nieuwe nummer.
     
  9. blub

    blub Guest

    its ok i dont mind pain, i still dont feel a shit, took 20 pills and still no pain, just a bit in my stomach, god damn, est stop sayinf that kind of stuff, you already go trough enough, i choose for this and why the fuck am i telling this to everyone, fucking hell, i'm a fucking attention whore, god damn, someone i never wanted to be, take care all
     
  10. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You aren't an attention whore. You are just in pain. It's not your fault, but don't let this sickness control your fate, you can make it and you can feel better, if you just allow yourself a bit of time to receive support and help, and yes I care, I do and so do others, don't kid yourself, you aren't any of the things you said, you are the opposite. you are smart, caring, talented, pretty, sweet, you are so manyt things but you aren't any of the things ou said.



    :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  11. blub

    blub Guest

    no i am, if i really wanted to die i would take more than 20 pills and not post this on sf, uhm, why do i always do these things that make me hate myself even more
     
  12. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You are just venting you pain hun. Don't hate yourself. You big meanie, how dare ya hate my friend!!!!!! :dry:





    :hug: :hug:
     
  13. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    blubs, ik ga dus echt niet stoppen die dingen te zeggen en ik ga ook niet stoppen jou te sms-en of whatever, want jij verdient dit niet. Het leven is klote ja. Het leven is een kopje thee, soms is ie slap, en vaak is ie veeel te sterk. Helemaal niet lekker, eerder afschuwelijk vies. net als koffie trwns. magoed that's not the point.

    Point is, dat ik en met mij vele anderen wel degelijk om je geven! als jij nu doorgaat met die pillen, dan doe je mij en vele anderen gigantisch veel pijn. Denk aan je ouders :sad: wil je hen dat aandoen? wil je jezelf die pijn aandoen? je voelt nu nmisschien nog geen pijn, maar morgen en overmorgen komt die dan waarschijnlijk wel als je nu doorgaat met slikken. Alsjeblieft blubs, ik geef zoveel om je. elke dag kijk ik naar de ketting die ik van je had gekregen en dan denk ik aan jou. Want jij bent zo'n lieve meid en ik wou dat je dat zelf ook eens zag :sad: :hug:

    Alsjeblieft hou vol, je kunt het wel. Ik ben er voor je wanneer je wilt praten over wat dan ook .

    IK GEEF OM JE! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  14. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I have no idea what Ester said but I am sure I'd agree. We love you and are here, let us be here for you. :hug: :grouphug:
     
  15. blub

    blub Guest

    dan ga ik wel snijden
     
  16. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Nee nee, blubs, ook niet snijden... alsjeblieft
    bind een elastiekje om je arm en sla dat tegen je pols, hou ijsklontjes vast ofzo maar ga alsjeblieft niet snijden. Alsjeblieft niet...

    Ik geef om je, je kunt hier doorheen komen. Echt waar. Je kunt dat.
     
  17. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :unsure: you ok?
     
  18. blub

    blub Guest

    sorry al gedaan en dieper dan ooit, sorry ester t spijt me zo erg dat ik dit jou en de andere nu aandoe, sorry :sad: :hug:
     
  19. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Blubs, hoe diep?? :sad: :sad: hoe diep, blubs? alsjeblieft leg er een verband omheen en verzorg het goed.. alsjeblieft. waar heb je gesneden?

    Blubs alsjeblieft hou vol, alsjeblieft. Je kunt het. Als je wilt kunnen we samen voor hulp gaan zoeken. gaan we samen kijken voor een baantje en samen kijken voor hulp... Ik kan morgen naar Den Bosch komen als je wilt, dan gaan we samen rondneuzen voor een baantje.. Wil je dat? Alsjeblieft laat me er voor je zijn. :hug:
     
  20. blub

    blub Guest

    mn arm, bloed komt door 4 keer dubbelgevouwen andoek heen. Ga er nu wat verband over doe enzo. Ik heb morgen sollicitatie en mn ma gaat vrijdag naar de doctor, ik wil niet mee, maar ze gaat informatie vragen, over wat ik het beste kan doen. ik weet niet waarom ik dit doe, alles lijkt weer normaal te worden en daarmee bedoel ik mn gevoelend verbergen voor iedereen. misschien ben ik daar bang voor ik weet het niet meer, ik wil dood, maar ik moet bliven leven voor mn ouders, dus dan moet ik alles maar even schoonmaken en verzsorgen