it's worse than usual, I usually feel nothing, or somewhat cold or a little sad. but some times I hit these rocky spots where I feel as warm and caring as a stone. I do want to kill myself. I already know how I'm going to do it, and where I'm going to do (if I do it). I don't really care about anything. By the way, has any one read Robin Hobb's book Fool's Errand? If so, I have no real life-dreams, I am in the same state Frizt (aka Tom Badgerlock) is when he's as the cabin more or less, wanting nothing more than his cabin and thinking there's no purpose to his life and that he was fine with living like this (except that I don't have his life style, I want his life style). I want to be away from everyone, or just kill myself. My life is already partly stagnant, at least it feels like it. When I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep I think a lot and I have many things to say, but I can't think of anything now. I'm not open with my feelings, I never share my inner inner feelings or thoughts with people. I don't know how to do it. I want to die, I'm not interested in living any more. What it's the bloody point? I've given up acting social, for the most part. No, no need to worry, I'm not to kill myself this instant, yet. I'm mainly winging life. I have a therapist, she's really nice and I like talking to her, but my parents assigned her to me four months ago, more than a year too late. I had already decided. I feel sad for leading them on, but I am not interested in life any more. Even if I was interested, there's my grades; my parents are the type who wants their children to succeed and get mostly As. They're nice but they will be disappoint/annoyed with me about my grades and that I won't get into as good a university as my sister did. If I was interested in living . . . they and my grades. I'm a senior in high school. Life is not for me, my head is stuck in the clouds.