Black sheep of the family

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sui caedere, Sep 9, 2014.

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  1. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    Well yesterday I find out my sister had a baby girl born 7 weeks early.
    I was told 5 days later after the whole family have been to see her.
    I was then told my other sister was attacked as she was shopping and was taking to hospital gain I was told 3 weeks after it all happened.

    So last night when I was in the bath I started cutting again and it felt wonderful.
    When I woke up this morning it was the first thing I did and again it felt great like it was a release.
    After when I settle down I feel bad about it. It is something I don't want to do but my feeling get to a point where cutting is the only way to go.

    Right now I don't know what to do.
    I don't want to get into this again but it is the only way I stop the pain of being an outcast from my family.
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry this is your only way to feel better. Harming yourself, just is no way to help the situation. I used to self harm, myself. I learned there are better ways to deal with my anxiety/depression.

    I'm just really sorry you feel like an outcast, really.

    Feel better, and stay safe, please. Your body is your "temple", and one must not harm this.

    Please find another way(s). Try meditation. Punching your bed.

    Sorry if that was no help, I tried.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Based on your post it did not seem to make you feel better about being an outcast from your family at all. While you may have gotten some sense of empowerment thinking about how it SHOULD make them feel if they knew they caused it , I am sure you know it is not how they would feel. Hurting yourself "to get back at them" is not empowering you to take control of your pain, it is allowing them another avenue to cause you pain. I am sorry you feel like punishing yourself is warranted by their thoughtless actions, and I truly hope you find a way to deal with there neglect that does not make you feel worse physically and mentally, but ultimately is your choice to cut and cannot be "blamed" on somebody else. I truly understand that family can make you miserable- it is why the day I took my last test in high school I moved to a different state and have not spoken with 10 times in the 29 years since.

    It is a choice to let them harm you and continue to harm you or not. Not a good choice or one with a good answer-
    you can choose to understand they have been very thoughtless and will continue to be and accept it like rainy days or anything else you cannot change,
    or you can choose to take the ability to make you feel neglected away from them by separating yourself from them to the point you do not have to deal with it
    or you can choose hurt yourself even more and pretend it will fix something when you know the feeling better will not last even until the bath water is gone.

    I hope you find the strength and resources to make one of the choices that will not cause you greater pain and scars to remind you of their bad choices.
  4. sui caedere

    sui caedere Well-Known Member

    thanks guys.
    I wake up and first thing I think of is cutting all during the day is the same I go to bed at night and wake up in the night and think of it.
    right now I feel it is the most important thing in my life. the worst thing of all I enjoy it.
  5. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    You're welcome, but I really hope you will find a way to stop harming your precious body. Please try to find other ways. Just saying stop, won't likely do the trick, and I know that. I've done it myself. Although, I'm hurting enough emotionally, and don't need to cause physical pain.

    Fight the urges with every ounce of your being. This is just not a good way to cope. There are other ways. Lets work it out together, here.

    Best wishes on this journey.
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