Black sheep

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MatthewTyler, Feb 11, 2013.

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  1. MatthewTyler

    MatthewTyler New Member

    I've been dealing with my depression since I was 9 years old (I'm currently 19) and suicide has been an almost daily thought since I was 12 or 13 I'm not really sure when depression/suicidal thoughts usually manifest themselves in people, has anyone else experienced them this early?

    I've tried to get help (therapy,medication,etc) but nothing really seems to help. I've never really had a very close bond to my family, so I havent ever told them about the suicidal things, mainly because I don't want to worry them. I really just don't feel a strong enough connection with anyone to confide in them, so I figure it's better to do it anonymously through a computer screen to a bunch of people I don't know.

    At this point, I'm not really sure how much of a risk I am to myself. Most days are better than others, but recently killing myself has been something I think about more and more.

    I really do want to be happier, I just don't know how.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun glad you are talking here It is hard depression hun but it can be treated I know it is hard to reach out to the ones around us but perhaps hun you can talk to your doctor
    sometime just finding an activity you enjoy that others can relate to can help hun take music or art class something fun hun You keep talking to us ok you won't feel so alone here
    but do try hun to reach out again for some professional support ok don't try to fight it alone hugs
  3. getting_on_in_years

    getting_on_in_years New Member

    Hi Black sheep;
    I've been feeling down a lot lately. This is my first post on this board. Was going to post about my current state, but I saw your post and am responding to you because I've been a black sheep too, altho at almost 60, I'm a bit older than you.
    Was bullied a lot from ages 14-19. Felt a strong sense of desperation in my life at that age and into my early 20's. Been a good person but in retrospect made some bad judgement calls which affect me strongly now.
    My point is this. I'm almost 60, you're 19. If I could go back and talk to myself when I was 19, I'd say something like this.
    As much as you think you know about the course of your life now, you don't. There are great opportunities available to you that you're currently unaware of. You have to look for them and if you see them, you have to pursue them with a greater intensity than you're now spending beating yourself up It will take a number of years to get some fulfillment from those opportunities, but they will come and when they do, you will breathe a deep sigh of relief. After that, you'll have more challenges, but you will be on steadier ground. You have to trust me on this. Looking back on my life, I was much too hard on myself and missed out on opportunities that were there. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, but as difficult as 19 has to seem to you, it beats the pants off of 60.
    All the best
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hi Matthew, I've found and find help here in posting and reading posts. Latter make me feel less alone, that it's not just me. Meds don't do much for me but I'm considering looking for a therapist again because I can see they've helped others here. Hope you continue to come here and that it helps you too.
  5. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    The very first time I was seriously suicidal I was 11. Yes, it can start very early. If you look at statistics it is incredibly sad how many very young children kill themselves.

    I grew up with daily abuse, so I didn't have any bond with my family either. I have been on meds and in therapy for 14 years now. Sometimes I feel okay for a while, and then I crash again. The good times never last long.

    I think it is a good idea to find something you're interested in.

    Sorry, I'm of no help right now.
  6. Firespirit3

    Firespirit3 Member

    Hi. I feel like I'm in a pretty similar situation to you. I never have tried getting help because I don't want to talk to anyone about what I am feeling. I'm 17 so any help I would decided to get would have to go through my family. And I don't feel comfortable with them knowing. I came to this site for the same reason because I didn't have anyone close to me to turn to and it's easier to trust strangers. I hope you will find some support here. I know I have in the short time I have been on this site. Here is one of the only places where i feel that people genuinely mean what they say. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I can't promise to help but I will try to help and will understand.
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