For the past few months the fact that I'm the black sheep of my family has taunted me to a point where I'll run a random fever, start shaking and develop a major migrane. Its ruining me so badly! The rest of the girls in my family are either in college or graduating high school soon and they all have nice handsome boyfriends. They drive and work as well. I'm turning 16 soon and I don't drive, I don't have a boyfriend, I don't work, and I'm most likely dropping out. My mother hopes for grandchildren one day but I don't even want to have kids. My anxiety & temper are to bad to handle them. I have no clue what I want to do in life other than help my mother for all shes done with me. She said that she wants me to live with her and help raise my sister in case something was to happen to her.. but still. I feel like she would want me to be someone more. I'm so ashamed of myself. I don't want to graduate, be married, work, drive or have kids. However I feel like she looks at the other girls in my family and compares them to me and wishes I was like them.. The pressure and paranoia are triggering my suicide thoughts to the max. I don't want to live a normal society life but I don't want my mother to be disappointed in me either. God what do I do!?!? The future is scaring me to a point where I can't think straight or sleep well! Maybe I should just fall over dead. That would solve everything. I'm a pathetic piece of shit. I'm a black sheep as well as an ugly duckling surrounded by beautiful swans. Sorry SF.. I been trying to hold this in for months now so I wouldn't sound like just some annoying teenager but its killing me.. Crying my heart out here. Why can't things stay the same forever?