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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Jan 13, 2013.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Its all wrong
    Nothing will ever be right

    Cant and wont grasp that thing called life
    Seems to slip through everytime
    Make all the goddam changes and it all blows up in my face
    Well I m very much on edge now

    Dont want any more interaction with ppl
    Seems I have no true friends anyway
    Wouldnt treat my worst enemy the way they all treat me

    All in all ive had enough
    Fighting tears anger and frustration
    Sick of being a nobody when ive tried so hard

    I dont want to give up but i really have no more energy
    Dont know any enjoyment
    Tryed all manner of things

    Fear the pros dont believe me
    I feel as though everyone is against me

    Even to write this simple post has taken me time to many racing thoughts
    Cant even express myself properly

    I m slowly getting nearer to that one thought though
    I dont want to but everyday is a struggle
    The way I self harm i m
    going to achieve anyway
    To much going on and going wrong
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Spidy. I'm really sorry you're in such a dark place. Please know that I care about you. You have been doing so much and trying so hard to make things better, it would be a shame to give up on things now. If there's anything I can do, if you want someone to listen, please drop me a PM...I'm here for you. :hug:
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx Acy at the moment i dont know what it is i want i do hurt real bad but guess i just have to kick myself in the ass and keep trying to move forward.Although its getting harder as when i do fall now it gets more intense.I getting alot of help directed my way hasnt happened yet but i m assured these ppl are working on it.Just have to see what happens because i m on the biggest verge of a melt down and dont know how long I can keep it at bay.I do know when i fall hard i really have no control over my actions i go into dont care mode and thats when i start harming myself and just doing dumb shit then to wake up and regret it all.Is very scary shit.
    Thanx again Gav
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Spidy, glad to hear that you are able to "kick yourself in the ass" and keep trying. (I know that situation only too well, myself! Not easy - but doable.)

    If you feel yourself sliding down, come and vent to me here or in a PM. Letting it out and knowing that we are being heard can sometimes help more than we expect it to. As for self-harming, if you catch yourself slipping into that frame of mind, maybe you can find different things that are self-affirming and constructive to do, instead. For me, tidying out a messy drawer, scrubbing the floor, fixing something around the place, writing ten short poems (or even statements/observations) have all helped in the past to tide me through a rough emotional spot. Feelings eventually settle - we don't have to act on how we feel to make them settle...they just do over time.

    Around if you ever want or need to talk/vent. :smile:
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