I'm just feeling... rather suicidal. Well, I've felt this bad since Monday but now even more so. I can't say I'll feel "better" in the morning. I mean... I've been significantly suicidal several times in the past and eventually recovered... a little, but I suppose that doesn't mean I shouldn't reach out. To be honest, this doesn't feel like it's "me" talking. I do this shit every time; every time my suicidality reaches a certain limit, after intentionally letting my suicidal thoughts consume me, I waver and start reaching out. It's truly frustrating. I'm just so tired of the irrationality and insanity that has perpetuated my meaninglessly agonizing life. I'm so damn lonely. I want to finally break this impervious psychological barrier and kill myself already. Ugh... so annoying. Why do I write meaningless shit? I'm adamantly suicidal; I won't be convinced. I've only convinced myself. It's not that I don't appreciate advice... it's just... wasted words on an unreasonable individual. Well, at least I recognize that I'm irrational, as one would say. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm cold... and tired, literally speaking. I'll sleep and wake up feeling the same again. I'll have nothing productive to do again. I'll... shut the fuck up.