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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by humpty, Feb 1, 2008.

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  1. humpty

    humpty Active Member

    Hi

    I sit here in my house again afraid to go outside. I don't really fear going outside as such. It's more that I'm afraid of having panic attacks. I quite like going outside, the fresh air upon my face. Its a nice sunny day. It would be nice to go for a walk and also pop into the shops... Oh, what I would give to be normal..

    I feel so disconnected from people. There could be lots of people right next to me and I would still feel dreadfully lonely. I suppose thats because I feel so depressed and everybody else feels happy. I'm on the depressed island and they are on the happy island... Not that I want everybody to feel like me or anything I just want to let some of these horrible feelings out that I cant express to someone. I beat myself up everyday over and over again. I just cant stop myself. Perhaps I'm hoping eventually I will feel so bad I will get the courage to end it all, but I don't think I will somehow.

    Man being depressed sucks, I want to be happy for a change !!! :)

    cheerio
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Being depressed does indeed suck. :sad:

    With regard to going out, which btw will lift your spirits, have you tried going out with an Ipod?
    I find having some favourite music in my ears helps if I'm feeling a bit fragile and unable to deal with people.
    Also people expect you to be somewhat aloof if you're listening to music so won't think anything of it if you're not interacting.
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know all too well how you feel. Same thing, I want to go out and enjoy myself, but the fear of an attack forces me all too often to just stay home. But then staying home brings more depression. Damned if I do damned if I dont. Vicious circle!!! But you should atleast get out for a walk. Enjoy that warmth and sunshine. It's amazing how a little sunshine on the outside can put some sunshine on the inside! Like Terry said, bring along some tunes and shut out the rest of the people. Enjoy your own little island of sunshine! Hoping today is the day for you. Have a great one.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I double the ipod suggestion... totally helps when I'm convinced everyone can see how sad and vulnerable I am. I just blast the music, and let the sunshine sink in!

    Of course, I also have a community psych nurse "assigned" to me and she calls most days. Her first question... did you leave the house today? Left to my own I snuggle into the duvet and would sleep the day away! But I can't shake her.. LOL
     
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