i am so stressed and always on edge when i have no reason to be. i recently went back to the doctors to get prescribed something for my anxiety. they gave me clonazopam, which i have been on before and got semi-addicted to. but whatever, i need something to keep me from ripping out my eyeballs. it's 7am and i have yet to go to sleep. i can't ever sleep unless i've been drinking or if i've stayed up for at least 3 days. my dad bought me an iPod touch for christmas and the other day when i went to use it, it was gone. i was called an ungrateful shit for losing it, even though i knew all along my brother had stolen it and sold it for drugs. yesterday morning he came in my room and confessed but would not let me tell my parents because he says he'll pay me back somehow,or he'll break my legs.i dont want someone else's fucking money that he stole. it was worth 300 bucks, he says he only owes me 140, because that is what he sold it for. wow, makes sense you stupid motherfucker. i don't even have the energy to fight with him anymore. i hate having to lock up my money and everything in a fireproof-assholeproof safe just so that my brother won't come in my room and steal my shit and sell it. i have no privacy. my parents think i'm doing so much better and on track because i have an appointment with an employment agency to get a job, and because i'm going to school in september. it is all a lie. a huggee fucking lie. im doing terrible but i've put them through so much shit in the past 6 years with my overdoses and suicide attempts and shit so im trying so hard just for them because as much as they don't like me, i want them to think i am semi-normal. once i get this job and get my first paycheck, i'm buying a shitload of drugs and going to sleep forever on the traintracks.. sorry for this loser rant but i'm wired and just want to die. no one will read this im sure but i want someone to hear me for once. fucking worthless piece of shit.