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  1. Black Beauty

    Black Beauty Well-Known Member

    So, I joined this forum about a year ago 'cos I was depressed over a girl, now I'm depressed about my parents. I rarely think about suicide anymore though, a book called Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo literally changed my 'thoughts' more than any counselors/psychiatrists/psychologists ever did. The truth is I'm too lazy to sit down with my mum and dad and talk them through how to make their relationship better so I kind of just watch them scream at each other 10 times a day as the years go by. That is all.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You had a problem before, recognized it, and found the best way that worked for you to get through it. That is a great accomplishment on its own. Learn from that lesson, you have a problem, have already figured out the best way to get through it, now there is nothing left but to do it. I will add that when it comes to marriages, very often there are issues not seen or heard even by the children that are forced to live through the daily arguments, so sometimes "fixing" is more of a challenge than it may appear.

    Courage and strength to you

  3. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Unfortunately, it is up to your parents to make their own relationship better. Instead of understanding or getting counselling etc... they scream; or instead of leaving and moving on, they stay together and argue.

    That is their own fault, and their own mess. What you can do, however, is sit each down separately, and discuss what it looks like to you, when they (just the one person), behave as they do. For example, sit down your dad, and say "when you yell at my mom, it makes you appear to be an angry person who cannot control your emotions. It comes across as if you need to have all of the control, and as if you don't want to understand anything. It's aggressive, it's scary, it's unpleasant, and sometimes it is abusive." etc...

    Continue on from there, and discuss with him how it actually looks from the outsider looking in, when he behaves this way. Sometimes people don't realize what is going on, when their egotistic complexes are up, and they are defending all the wrong things in the heat of the moment, it's impossible for them to see how it really looks.

    A person has to step away from the event/situation and the trigger first to even begin to see any of what you are seeing, and that is something you can do, is offer perspective on at least how the person themselves is coming across. Separate them from the relationship, and separate yourself from their relationship, and be as objective as you can.

    Do the same thing with your mom, take her aside, and discuss how she is coming across, and how she appears when she is upset etc.... It won't create a huge change overnight, but it will begin to plant a seed that may grow, if they nurture it with at least giving it a thought, or thinking about it in the future. It is thoughts that lead to feelings and actions in the first place... so it's not bad to plant a thought that will make them think a bit, in hopes that they may in the future at least attempt to control themselves a bit better than they do.
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