blaming myself

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Datura, May 5, 2008.

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  1. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    I think this all started when I noticed my father treating my brother differently than me. My brother is younger than me by nearly three years. When I was 20, my father would forbid me to talk on the phone after a certain time, yet my brother was allowed to stay out all night. I never questioned my dad though. He would also always ask what I was doing, who I was going with, and just overall kept a tight leash on me. I couldn't rationalize his behavior, so I blamed myself. I must have done something wrong. I'm a terrible person if I'm being treating this way. Some things never change...

    Now I'm 25 and the blame game has gotten worse. I went out on dates with dozens of men, and 95% of the time it's a one time deal. Most of the time they lied and said they were interested and we'd hang out again. When this never materialized, I would automatically turn the anger inward by thinking how stupid I was for believing them. Or I must be pretty repulsive if the majority of men aren't interested in me. In February I learned that my ex cheated on me. This devastated me beyond belief. I was always suspicious of peoples motives; not to the point of extreme paranoia, but moreso cynicism, and this made it worse. I of course blamed myself for the whole thing.

    In March I met someone else. Everything was running smoothly until recently. I'll leave out as much detail as to make the story less daunting...
    we had a discussion the other night about things, and prior to that discussion we went to Dave and Buster's. Well, to start off I'm not an outgoing person, and am incapable of showing enthusiasm, but was more than willing to have a good time there. I was not acting miserable, but not happy either - that's just my nature. During the discussion he let me know how it bothered him that I didn't seem to be having fun. Then it went into a tirade about all the things he doesn't like about me: I don't show enthusiasm, I can't make small talk, I don't like anything. I told him at least I went, but he said that wasn't good enough. Keep in mind that I had self-deprecating thoughts in my head the entire day leading up to this, and his assessment of me simply reinforced my thoughts.

    Not only do I blame myself for not meeting his standards, but I hate myself. I feel that I'll never be able to last in close relationships with people if I'm this hypersensitive and end up hating myself for thinking there is hope.

    tl;dr - Do you ever blame yourself for things that are out of your control? Is there a psychological reasoning behind this? What is the necessary treatment, if any to get over it?
  2. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about how you feel :hug:

    I can understand your dad though, he didn't want you getting hurt, but I guess he went a bit too far.

    Yes, I have blamed myself form many things, missed oppotunities, being easily destracted, helping others while not finishing what I'm supposed to do, simple mistakes and many other things.

    I think(I'm no expert) the natural tendency is to blame someone else, but when there is no one to blame, we turn on ourselves and blam outselve for doing something wrong.

    As for dealing with it, I'm not sure since it was never too big a problem for me. Try thinking positive. It will be hard at first but it might help.

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