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Sometimes I wish I could just put an end to all this crap and then I wouldn't hurt anybody anymore and I wouldn't fuck up anybody's life and I wouldn't be a plague on this god-forsaken planet anymore...
What makes you say you are fucking up people's lives?
Because it seems that every time I start a relationship with someone, in the beginning they're doing fine, they have a job, they have a car, they're responsible and moderately happy... after a year or so of being with me, they're lives are completely ruined, they're broke, unemployed and usually without a drivers license. Then a year or so after we break up and they don't interact with me anymore, they're once again doing great with a car and a job and a place to live and money and a future and all that... so as soon as they get the fuck away from me, they're lives improve...

Marathon: Thank you for the welcome :) As for whats going on.. I've just gotten myself into a lot of trouble with poeple's feelings and every step I take seems to hurt someone for some reason... it would just be better if I was never there at all... then I wouldn't be able to cause all these complications and drama and problems for people... if they would just stay away from me, they'd be fine...
Can you overdose on <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>? It's about all I have without going through someone else to get something stronger, and that someone else would know exactly what I was trying to get it for, so that wouldn't work... but it says it can cause cardiac arrest, seizures and kidney failure, and the patient is unlikely to make it if they don't recieve help within 24 hours... doesn't exactly sound like a pleasant, peaceful death but at this point I don't really care anymore... I have somewhere between 30-50 pills, haven't gotten a chance to count them yet as I'm kind of on suicide watch and someone is there all the time... but it just takes patience and the right timing... but will it work? I've never had a suicide 'attempt', and I don't really want one... I just want a suicide...
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no, it's not my fault what other people choose to do... but i do influence them in negative ways... and all I seem to do with every interaction is just hurt them and cause problems for them with other people and I cause fights that don't need to happen.. and there's no escape from the one that I don't want, because he's crazy about me and I don't want him but he's my neighbor so there's no getting away from him unless I move which is impossible.. everything i do hurts someone or disappoints someone and i just can't do it anymore... it'll be easier if I hurt them one final time than to continue hurting them for years..


~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
please don't hurt yourself, there's lots of people that care about you. dont feel like you're a burden, you're not. keep talking to us.
I just really don't know what to do anymore... I've got people telling me that the neighbor guy I'm sort of involved with (who happens to be 21 years older than I am) is saying all these horrible things about me, but he completely denies it... and the people telling me these things are very emotional and tend to throw things out of proportion and exaggerate and I just don't know who to believe anymore and I'm just so done with the whole god damned thing but there's no way out of this god forsaken trailer park cause i'm too broke to move so I'm stuck here and it's going to end up killing me...
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