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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Bleak, Nov 30, 2009.

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  1. Bleak

    Bleak Member

    I'm never happy; I never really have been and I have zero hope that I ever will be. I spend most of my time in solitude. Ive pushed away everybody; its been at least a year and a half since I've even said hello to a real person. I used to have a couple people in my life but theyre all gone forever now. They use to try to get me help; I always refused. Now I have nobody. I've tried getting help a few times after they left. But every single person I reached out to ignored me or encouraged me to kill myself. Its extremely hard for me to reach out but every once in awhile I do; only to be ignored which of course only makes me worse.

    I dont even know where to begin. Im suicidal, angry, extremely depressed 24/7/365, terrible thoughts race through my head, some Im okay with, some that make me want to blow my head off, I cant sleep, I abuse any drug or intoxicating substance I can find just to take the edge off which it barely does anymore, Im obsessed with amputating my leg, Im trying to find an easy way to do it without getting locked up, I have no family or friends, Im just as physically sick as I am emotionally and I dont do anything about that either, Im so discouraged. Im paranoid, I think I hallucinate sometimes, I hate EVERYTHING about myself and my life.

    There is nothing positive in my life what so ever.

    These are only a few of the things wrong with me, I could go on and on but Im already starting to think being a member here is a mistake and nothing will come of it.

    Sorry this is so long. I have to write a lot at once cause I dont really trust myself to keep going with anything.

    hmmm whatever.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey welcome glad you posted keep posting okay get the pain out. You are not alone now lots of people who care just keep reaching out
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Welcome to SF. :hug: I'm glad you posted. Here if you ever want to talk, my PM box is always open.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi bleak, welcome to sf :)
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome Bleak!! I too isolate myself..Do you see a PDOC? It sounds like you have major depression and maybe a little Skyzophrenia going on..I think it would help to see a PDOC and arrange therapy..They can help you deal with these thoughts..I'm glad you joined the forum.. There are alot of great people here..We will listen and support you the best we can..Take Care!!
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey :) welcome to SF. if you ever need to chat feel free to PM me or to post on the forum :hug:
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I hope we can offer you a bit of support and help things to change for the better. :hug:
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