bleh

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by normaljoe, Jan 4, 2015.

  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    the majority of my depression stems from my insufferable loneliness. I am not weird. I am decent looking and a romantic. (i have low self esteem too so to admit that, took some time.) Match is horrible waste of money, messaged over 100 girls and got 0 replies during the three months i bothered with it. Every girl younger than me doesn't know what they want out of life. and every girl older than me already has a career going. and I am all like, yup just waiting for grad school. maybe i will have a career in 3-4 years? who the fuck knows. No joke, I would love just to cuddle with a girl. no sex, no date. That is the only time i actually am able to sleep well. I slept 16 hours last night. went to bed at midnight woke up at 4pm. christmas day, i was awake for all of 5 hours. woke up at 10am got depressed went back to bed at 3pm. didnt wake up again until I had to get ready for work at 630 am. I am fighting so hard not to sleep right now. I am drinking pot after pot of coffee because all I want to do is go back to bed. the more I sleep the more depressed i am, the less I sleep the more exhausted I am. the most exhausted i am the more I sleep. it never ends becuase I always WAKE UP EXHAUSTED! wtf. and I have sleep meds. fucking sleep meds. who the hell thought that was a good idea to give a depressed guy who sleeps all the fucking time fucking sleep meds?! I can not take this stupidity anymore. it is like the only person who understands me, are the people that can not help.
    I hang out with my friends and the only thing I can think about is how much I do not want to be hanging out with my friends. So, I stay at home. and while at home the only thing i can think about is how I don't have any friends.

    I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of my future. I am afraid to sleep. to wake up. to go to work. to go to school. to talk to people. to talk to my friends. to live. to die. I am afraid that I am going to be tired for the rest of my life. and it's going to be that same exhaustion that pushes me over the edge. because no one understands how much it affects me.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Joe,

    way back when I was 13/14 ( I considered myself an adult then ) all I wanted was a cuddle and hug I believe it was 'cos I never got that intimacy of hugs when I was a child. Just wanted to feel wanted and wanted to feel I was cared about, back then though I was fooling myself they just wanted sex.

    Anyway sorry I had just mention that to see if you had cuddles and hugs as a child? That could the a cause of why you feel the way you do.

    I have no iota as to why they would prescribe sleeping medications while your problem is you cannot stop sleeping. It doesn't make sense. Waking up exhausted is common with depression as is sleeping a lot.

    To be honest I would get a second opinion and see what another doctor recommends. I do hope you can get through this difficult time.
    Best of luck to you.