bleh

[Marshmallow]

I can't take this no more. I can never do anything right. I seriously can't. I deserve shit. When i get it the other people apologise for it. Don't say sorry!! i deserve it!! everything i fucking get!!

bloody hell!! what does it take to get you all pissed at me!! how much damage do i have to do!?!?! Why can't you all get pissed at me. Do me a favor please!!

Why do you have to care?! why does he have to care?! why did have to say that to me?! Its just making it harder. A few people are keeping me here. Those people know who they are. Why can't they just give up on me! why care! why! why! WHY!!!!!!

I don't deserve your friendships at all. Don't deserve any kind of love. Don't deserve any kind of happiness. Why can't you all see that!!

Wanna know what i'm like. Not too long ago i tried cutting my wrist's. Knife weren't sharp enough. Need vodka. Someone on here told me once that vodka would help with that. So i need to get vodka. Gonna have some Bacardi. We never have an proper alcohol in the house. Found some tho. Not much but it will do me till when i get a bottle of vodka. I'm sick of this shit. Sick of my life. Just gonna get off my face on alcohol and hope for the best.

 

[blub]

Awww vikkers :hug: I know exactly how you feel. But if you say to me that i deserve love, happiness etc, than you definately deserve it. You're an amazing, beautifull and wonderfull person. And tho vodka can help, i know, but its not good enough to make an end of it.
You will just fuck your arms, nerves and stuff and probly have to be in a hospital for a few days, maybe weeks, people get hurted and will be worried about you, they will keep an eye on you constantly. Its not worth it and especially not for you. You're wonderfull, you dont deserve to feel like this, you deserve so much more, all the good things, happiness etc.
So sweet Vikkers, please dont do it. I'm sorry you're feeling like this now wish i could do something for you. But I'm sure you will feel better in maybe a few months, but it can also be a few years. You've got lots of potential, please hold on, I know you can do it :hug :hug:

 

[Marshmallow]

Well ................ i've got someone i really care pissed at me. Guess i did a good job. Yeah great. Time for another drink. Time to try again. Free house. Loads of time. That one less person i have to worry about. I mean they fucking worry and risk themselfs getting in trouble! wtf! said i was no fucking good for them. FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, im gonna make it right for you and everyone else. Time for punsihment. Time to cut my wrist's. Time to make it right. You wanna know something sick. The fact that im here smiling at what im about to do. Realisation of that the pain will be gone. Everything will be gone.

Its come to an end and im happy about that. I' just sorry to those i hurt. Yeah for those who might of noticed i have had a drink and have become 'agressive' or whatever. The drink is for incouragement. I know full well what im about to do and the pain im about to cause. Yes i realise that. I saw that pain when my brother attemped suicide numerous times. But they got over it. I know they will. I realise the emotion pain im gonna cause others and the physical pain im about to cause myself. But the physical pain is worth it to me. Shows how pathetic i am. How weak i am. How weak that i can't handle life. Thats fine. I accept that. I've never felt like this. So alone. Time to make that permanent. People don't worry, this is the best for me. Your realise that in time. I'm sorry. I know my sorry's don't mean shit anymore, but this comes from the bottom of my heart. I truely am sorry.

 

[~Nobody~]

Vikki, you have never hurt me. In fact you have helped me, and made me smile and laugh on numerous occasions :hug:. But if you kill yourself I will be hurt.

Please don't do this Vikki. Want a chance to get to know you better :smile:

Is there anything I can do to help you feel a bit better? I'm a good listener :smile:.

:arms:

x x x

 

[Lost Disciple]

Vikki? Are you alright? Are you still here? No, you're offline... Listen, don't do this! If you, for some odd reason, didn't go through with it and are considering and see this post, DON'T DO IT, PLEEAASSEE!!!

But if you have, I, like LeaveMeAlone, wish you peace.

 

[*dilligaf*]

should probably keep out of this :blink: but just wanted to tell you am talking to vikki atm and she says she's feeling a bit better.

 

[Lost Disciple]

Oh! Good... I was really worried there for a minute--which is weird, because I don't really remember ever talking to her...

 

[*dilligaf*]

I'll tell her you were asking about her :hug:

 

[Marshmallow]

Yep i'm still alive. What i did didn't exactly work out like i hoped.

2 people were there. Sam and a guy i love to bits >.<. But i wanna thank Sam. You was there when no one else was. You didn't give up. If it wasn't for you and ***** then i would of probably tried my wrist's again or used that rope. Always wanna say sorry for my language in those texts lol, especially the ones that were aimed at someone. Not the type of language anyone should hear me say >.< I love ya hun, Thank you for showing you cared. xxx

 

[*dilligaf*]

Viks, I am so glad to have been able to help hun. Never need to ever appologise for anything! Things are better out than in remember lol. Just please stay safe and remember I have my moblie on ALL THE TIME if you ever need me. Love ya :hug: xxxxxxx

 

[Marshmallow]

<Mod Edit: Abacus21-quotes deleted post>.

Calm down hun, only one person here knows how much that post affected me and that was Sam. And what i did as a result of reading it. But I've chosen to ignore that comment and for the time being ignore the person who made it, as obviously they know fuck all about me and have no idea that a comment like that nearly resulted in me doing something very serious. Please don't get yourself in to trouble, its not worth it.

 

[Terry]

What the hell!!! Are u ok Viks? and next time email me woman!!!

 

[Marshmallow]

Tis ok, what i did didn't exactly work >.< and Sam and 'R' was there and calmed me down. Yes im fine, am pissed off with a few peeps nothing a drink can't cure :tongue:

and sowwy for not emailing you :hiding: was not in the right state of mind to talk much to anyone as Sam found out :unsure:

 

[ybt]

oh yes people can help themselves

most of the people who post on sf can't or they wouldn't be posting

 

[Marshmallow]

we're smart enough to try and do something... Well most of us are anyway.

Take it that was aimed at me, u have no fucking idea about me or my life. If you ever talk to me its about Ester. You have no idea about what treatment I've gone to. So don't sit there and preach to me about getting help. If you don't like the sound of the so called 'bitching' then theres a simply solution. Fuck off or don't read what i post.

 

[LeaveMeAlone]

it's all over the fucking boards. and phoning ester to say goodbye just before she has to start her second day of work was really considerate of you!!

and I have tried and tried to talk to you, to get through to you, but you're not interested, you just don't want to know. What i do know however, if that you tried an anti depressant which didn't work and it didn't work because you have bipolar 2.

I also know that i've asked you every week for the last 3 months if you've been to see your doctor yet. and you haven't

Your solution is simply to hurt yourself as much as you can, and then brag about it on the forums, well frankly I'm sick of it, and I doubt I am the only one. The rest of us would like to gain a little respect, have people realise that which actually suffer from a genuine illness. it seems you just want to be branded emo.

<Mod:Edit Jodi>

 

[Marshmallow]

I did not phone Ester to say goodbye. The only time i phoned her yesterday was to apologise for something and that was in the evening. I would get your fact straight on that one.

it seems you just want to be branded emo

Oh fuck off, because i don't listen to you i'm trying to make myself emo? fuck you. Im as far as 'emo' as u can fucking get!

<Mod:Edit Jodi>

 

[LeaveMeAlone]

You're right I apologise, I just went through my history, it was text message and googletalk.

 

[Marshmallow]

Yeh the google talk message, was saying bye as in good night. And i apologised for something i had done earlier that night.

To be honest i don't even remember what i said in the text message. I was half asleep at the time and in a state when i don't even realise what im doing and i did apologise for what ever i said.

 

[mike25]

LMA, I just want to remind you that people on this forum are emotionally vulnerable. One minute good, next minute bad. Please don't make 'off the cuff' statements (e.g reality check causes her to kill herself, then fine..... or alledge that vikki hasn't helped herself) that only serve to hurt a person. Just one aggressive statement could drive someone over the edge. Please be understanding and patient. There's no need to be aggressive when making a point to someone. That's the last thing any of us need.
I don't think you get through to anybody in general life. It has to be a decision the individual makes. So there's no point in being frustrated when someone doesn't follow your advice. Your advice is just a point of view. It might be right or wrong. Love is patient, kind, and understanding.
We all incur enough distress living in this crazy world - let's not start turning on eachother. This is the only haven we've got :smile: