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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by John6491, Jun 24, 2007.

  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I really wish that I knew what to say at times but I'm always so worried about what people will think of what I say... I really wish I didn't worry about what people think about me but I can't no matter how hard I try.

    So yea I'm getting really mad at myself lately and I don't know why. I think its because everyone sets the standard of what they want me to do to high and when I don't make that standard I get mad at myself and I feel more of a failure....
    Fuck I wish I could have a few days where I don't feel like shit about my life but I don't think that will happen anytime soon.

    Also I have had these really bad thoughts that come out of no where and they are usually are stuff about me getting killed somehow or me getting beaten up and it is really weird and I don't know what to do about the thoughts except try to ignore them but sometimes that is all I can think about... :dry:

    Bleh that's all for now...
  2. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Fuck why can't I ever get to sleep when I need it the most... I mean I have to wake up at 7 for fucking summer school tomorrow but I'm still wide awake. I wish I could make my mind shut up for a while so I can sleep.
    I really wish I wasn't such a fuck up so I wouldn't even have to go to summer school... I mean I never can do anything right I always screw something up and then people get mad and tell me how much of a failure I damnit I'm so fucking tired of listening to them remind me of how I fucked up..

    Sry for complaining but oh well no one will read this shit anyways... :dry:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Don't be so hard on yourself John. So you struggled in school this year. look at all the things that were going on in your life. You have reason to be having a rough go of it. At least they have summer school where you are. In the town I am in, they don't have that option. They repeat the grade again.
  4. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but its just so hard because everyone reminds me that I am a failure every day.... I'm pretty sure that they are right once

    Well tonight I screwed up I cut myself again and. Promised some one that I wouldn't but I can't even keep that fucking promise... Really what the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to be dead.. I have a entire thing of sleeping pills by me and I'm really tempted just to take all of them
    I'm such a mess :cry: