I’ve never really had what I considered to be a “normal life”. At the age of 3 (I’m now 15) my father passed away due to a heart attack. I was kind of lucky in a sense because I never really got to know him so his death wasn’t painful at the time although I have grown up without a male role-model in my life and due to that I’m not very emotionally strong. I’m also a red-head so during the younger years of my schooling I was teased numerous times thus lowering my confidence level. My current crisis started around 2 years ago when I started playing an Online RPG. If I could go back in time and had the choice of starting this particular game or not I would definitely choose not to. After starting it my school grades started to drop and my attendance also dropped. I stopped doing my homework after school and I never did assignments that I was given. It got to the point where I was skipping school weeks at a time just so I could play this game. In 4th term of last year I attended maybe 3/10 weeks at the most and in first term of this year I only came to school for 4 days/11 weeks. In 2nd term I went back for nearly the whole term and was struggling to catch up on work that I had missed. Then we had half yearly exams. I didn’t do too badly considering the amount of time I had missed but it still wasn’t enough to stay in all the top classes. 3rd term came and I wasn’t coping well. I went to school for the first 2 weeks and even though I had quit playing the game I was addicted to I still was struggling with school. I decided that it was not where I belonged and told my mother I would go to ‘Tafe’ (alternative education in Australia) when I turn 16. I of course don’t plan to do that, as I don’t see any point in life anymore. At the moment I have no routine in my life so I’m stuck doing the same old things that make my life so miserable. My life consists of sleeping, watching TV, eating and doing random stuff on the computer. I have come to the conclusion that life is just - Grow up, get married, have kids, die old - It seems so pointless. My diet is also terrible. Usually I wake up around Midday and have breakfast/lunch then around 6pm I have lunch. So I’m not eating for 18 hours. I know that it isn’t healthy but I just can’t eat apart from that. I have never been an overweight child and even when I did used to eat lots I never gained weight. I’m quite anti-social. I have a few friends who I talk to regularly and that’s about it. When I quit school I had to have a meeting with the Principal and my Year Advisor. It was then that I realised I’m not good at talking about my problems. My mother has always considered me a good/smart child who will grow up to be very successful. This is partially my fault because in Primary school I was never the child getting into trouble (always had good comments from teachers, good marks in tests, neat and tidy etc) but when I hit High school it all changed. In the first 3 weeks of High school I got a letter home from one of my teachers telling my mum that I was a nuisance in class. I got home that afternoon and my mum had a go at me. Since then I’ve never really been close with my mum. During the day we might speak 10 times at the most with each other. Any deep communication I do with people now is usually via email as I’m not good at speaking to people in real life (why I’m writing this). Recently suicide has been a big thing in my mind. I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to die, but I don’t have the balls to kill myself so I’m stuck hating my life and the world in general. I haven’t had a girlfriend in 2 years and I don’t think I’m going to get one anytime soon - being a red-head I’m not the most attractive person around and 15 year old girls don’t seem to be interested in anything but looks. Thanks for reading if you did, just really needed to get it all out of my head. It’s been bottled up for a while now and it was making me feel terrible.