Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by WHM, Sep 19, 2006.

  1. WHM

    WHM New Member

    I’ve never really had what I considered to be a “normal life”. At the age of 3 (I’m now 15) my father passed away due to a heart attack. I was kind of lucky in a sense because I never really got to know him so his death wasn’t painful at the time although I have grown up without a male role-model in my life and due to that I’m not very emotionally strong. I’m also a red-head so during the younger years of my schooling I was teased numerous times thus lowering my confidence level.

    My current crisis started around 2 years ago when I started playing an Online RPG. If I could go back in time and had the choice of starting this particular game or not I would definitely choose not to. After starting it my school grades started to drop and my attendance also dropped. I stopped doing my homework after school and I never did assignments that I was given. It got to the point where I was skipping school weeks at a time just so I could play this game. In 4th term of last year I attended maybe 3/10 weeks at the most and in first term of this year I only came to school for 4 days/11 weeks. In 2nd term I went back for nearly the whole term and was struggling to catch up on work that I had missed. Then we had half yearly exams. I didn’t do too badly considering the amount of time I had missed but it still wasn’t enough to stay in all the top classes.

    3rd term came and I wasn’t coping well. I went to school for the first 2 weeks and even though I had quit playing the game I was addicted to I still was struggling with school. I decided that it was not where I belonged and told my mother I would go to ‘Tafe’ (alternative education in Australia) when I turn 16. I of course don’t plan to do that, as I don’t see any point in life anymore.

    At the moment I have no routine in my life so I’m stuck doing the same old things that make my life so miserable. My life consists of sleeping, watching TV, eating and doing random stuff on the computer. I have come to the conclusion that life is just - Grow up, get married, have kids, die old - It seems so pointless.

    My diet is also terrible. Usually I wake up around Midday and have breakfast/lunch then around 6pm I have lunch. So I’m not eating for 18 hours. I know that it isn’t healthy but I just can’t eat apart from that. I have never been an overweight child and even when I did used to eat lots I never gained weight.

    I’m quite anti-social. I have a few friends who I talk to regularly and that’s about it. When I quit school I had to have a meeting with the Principal and my Year Advisor. It was then that I realised I’m not good at talking about my problems. My mother has always considered me a good/smart child who will grow up to be very successful. This is partially my fault because in Primary school I was never the child getting into trouble (always had good comments from teachers, good marks in tests, neat and tidy etc) but when I hit High school it all changed. In the first 3 weeks of High school I got a letter home from one of my teachers telling my mum that I was a nuisance in class. I got home that afternoon and my mum had a go at me. Since then I’ve never really been close with my mum. During the day we might speak 10 times at the most with each other. Any deep communication I do with people now is usually via email as I’m not good at speaking to people in real life (why I’m writing this).

    Recently suicide has been a big thing in my mind. I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to die, but I don’t have the balls to kill myself so I’m stuck hating my life and the world in general. I haven’t had a girlfriend in 2 years and I don’t think I’m going to get one anytime soon - being a red-head I’m not the most attractive person around and 15 year old girls don’t seem to be interested in anything but looks.

    Thanks for reading if you did, just really needed to get it all out of my head. It’s been bottled up for a while now and it was making me feel terrible.
  2. TearsDropBloodTrickles

    TearsDropBloodTrickles Well-Known Member

    Wow, its kinda scary how similar that is too my life, they're so many paralllels. Altho i dont have red hair, >.< that im actually jealous of, I love red hair sooo sooo sooo much! Im not sure what i can say that will help you solve the problem, but maybe i can help you feel a little less alone. If you ever wanna talk to someone, who knows what your going thru, im always online (since im also scared of the real world).. Well gotta go, my cousin is around dont wanna her thinking im gonna do anything stupid...
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    keep venting like that it helps, it just gets worse when you hold it in, beleive me, you expressed yourself very well too.

    Keep posting, and remember we are here for you, if you need to talk you can always PM/IM me or post. I am here.......and I hope things get better soon. :hug:

    With love,
  4. WHM

    WHM New Member

    It's calming to know there are people out there i can turn to without having to speak face-to-face. Thanks guys :arms:
  5. Monstermom

    Monstermom New Member

    Dear F'd up Kid. First off, Red haired individuals are special. Take into account that there aren't all that many and you will see how rare and wonderful it can be. If you can't, put in highlights. Please read my post in the After Effects column of the front page. There are tips to help you with the stagnant schedule you have created for yourself.Keep your distance from non interactive things. TV,Go and DO something even if it's a color by number. READ a BOOK. Life is about growing up and growing old, but there is alot to keep one busy in between time. Wether you realize it or not, the row you had w/ mom(she was right to be mad at you, admit it) is taking you away from your true feelings of love for her. You are mad at yourself for being mad at her for being mad at you... seems silly now, doesn't it? Leave depression for the old and pained. Enjoy the fact that your bones don't ache and that...hey! You HAVE hair... someday you may be bald and wish for your beautiful bunch of red hair you have right now. Please know, that if you have even ONE friend you have alot. and teenage Girls? They can be shallow, so can teenage boys...You may be on a level above them and instead see yourself as a level below. Misconception and Misperception have waged many wars in the minds of man. Talk to mom. get that love feeling to the surface again. She is the one who laid eyes on you first and fell in love with you at first sight, and can help you feel normal again. Know that this is a common phase for kids your age... you are frustrated, but don't drop out of school of life. get back on the horse and try. I'm guessing that you would love life if you loved yourself.Look at those with severe handicaps and see the perfection of your own life. You are too young to be considered F'd up.Some of us have REALly bad things to overcome, guilt for accidental deaths, rape by our fathers, medical issues that cause great pain. Take advantage of the lack of these things.... If all this doesn't work. Seek proffessional help. don't give up. Hopefully your new name will be "Fixed up Kid". There is love out there go find it.
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


    you're very welcome! ;)

  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hey, here's yet another guy thats got similar problems like you. I'm 19, very anti-social, no friends, spends all the time eating, sleeping, studying, being on the computer or watching TV. Never had a girlfriend, and I don't think I ever will.
    Yeah, I think about suicide a lot, that my life is empty, that I am not normal at all and all that stuff. Everyone else is normal, they do other stuff, whereas I'm a complete and total freak.

    Its a bit comforting to know that I'm not the only one that only plays videogames, sleeps, eats, studies, etc. But at least you did have a girlfriend and all that, too bad I've never had one, I just can't get one. Whatever.

    Hope to see you around here for a while. Take care.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2006