blocked out childhood.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Passion, Nov 11, 2007.

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  1. Passion

    Passion Well-Known Member

    okay so,
    most of my childhood I blocked out and do not remember at all...
    but then i get these flashbacks...where im a little kid again and everything is happening.
    I knew about being abused physically and verbally,
    but then one day,
    I had a flash back,
    and i saw sexual abuse that i previously had not known about.
    I always had a "feeling" that I was sexually abused, but sicne I did not have any memories of it i just dismissed it.
    and now I know...
    and i was just wondering if anyone has had this sort of experince?
    I really have no idea how i should be feeling about it.
    when i had the flashback, after it was done I was crying and shaking for hours, disgusted.
    and now the feelings are just shut off...
    I was abused by my father,
    my mother knew about it, but she did not know about the sexual abuse.
    and i dont know if i should tell her, because she already feels terrible that she had not left my dad earlier and saved us from most of the abuse. if i tell her about this she might feel even worse.
    i haventt really talked to anyone about feels...shameful.
    it feels...unreal.
    all of it does, the verbal, physical and sexual abuse.
    it just doesnt seem real at all.
    (note: my mother is unstable, she is bipolar, and she has cut herself before. semi-recently.)
  2. elliebelle

    elliebelle Active Member

    I can identify completely. I was molested as a child and completely blocked it out. I sort of knew something was off but I had no memory of it at all. My memory came back when I was 15. I spent the entire day laying in a field shaking and in complete shock. I understand what you're feeling. If you ever want to talk just send me a PM. :hug:
  3. ish_me153

    ish_me153 Well-Known Member

    I can relate to your situation because I was molested and only know half of what happened in both situations...I just know that I remembered the first situation when I was 11, which was three years ago, and when I did remember it all, I broke into tears...which sucked because I was at school and everyone just looked at me like I was weird.
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