blog i deleted from myspace

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shezamura, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    Today... this tuesday.... im going to go to enjoy the sun as much as i can... and just have some fun.... i will find as much pleasure as i can in this day.... *sigh...... i dont want to end up like margie and daddy and so many other people in the fucking world.... i just dont know what to do.... orange kitty was attacked by a coyote.... shes okay... but God.... if she would have been fataly wounded... there would have been some fucking fury around here..... i just dont know anymore... i just dont know..... i hate you "sparky" as she calls you... all you are is a user and a fucking brain washer so you can have another fuck buddy.... seeing how you play her makes this harder on me.... your a liar........... and so is she... you made her turn her back on her won family and her beliefs.... i hope to see you in hell... cause that is where you are going to go for not only ruining samantha... but also being one of the soul links to all of this fucking shit....there is no one to talk to... when i try, people just get upset.... samantha... you sound so concered... as a matter of fact, dont be concerend... you dont care... you never really did... just continue doing weed and fucking around and drinking and shit... be just like the person you always said you never wanted to be.... but your to proud to admit it... you always were to proud to admit when you were wrong... i may as well get all this out now since i only have 2 days left...above all, i blame you... i really do... i blame you for tricking me into believing that you ever loved me... you know... I used to have dreams all the time that you were cheating on me behind my back... i wouldnt doubt it..... you probably were.... i bet you had sex before you were with me too... it would explain why you didnt ever bleed.... you always wanted to have sex with other people, well now you are... i hope your enjoying getting your self used. your not different than most whores now i guess... but correct me if im wrong.... please... but what ever you correct is probably just a lie anyway... thats all you probably did for those 3 years... lie to me.... you know who you remind me of?... my mother.... she drove my father insane... he is so alone and so lonely... i always see it in her eyes.... us good guys never get the girl... no matter how good we treat the person we love, a fucking old guy comes along and steals her away with tricks you can learn in a fucking book.... remeber those days we were happy samantha? or rather, when i was happy... cause if i did make you happy, you would have never left me.... i was just a failure... cause i couldnt see past your lies.... maybe i should have kept trying for kayla.... this has practically turned into one of those situations anyway... but surprisingly i dont hate you... i dont hate you at all.... im just highy dissapointed... that i gave everything i was to you... and you just slapped it back in my face with a look of disgust.... our first night... you were so scared... but were you really? or were you playing me then too?.....why am i even talking about someone who doesnt really give a fuck whether i live or die?.... damn, i bet if i killed myself at your door step, you would probably spit on my corpse... im sure thats what "sparky" teaches you.... wow... its nice to let out some of these feelings... i wont feel so bad now when i die.... youll probaby just laugh at me.... i wouldnt doubt it if you and alan fucked on top of my grave....you always were a vengeful bitch....but now, i guess your everyones bitch lol....if you read this, your probably smiling... cause thats what you do now.. .you just fake everything... whether it be truth or false.... and dont try to down me hun, i already hate myself, so words you could say about me wont do anything.... even if you try and say smoenthing like "alan is better in bed than you ever were..." yeah... yeah fucking right.... no one will ever show as much compassion and love that i showed you.....not to mention myk will to make you feel good.... i will always be the best...i can die knowing that..... there are only two days left... and i dont even know if even half of the stuff i said is true... you can easily email me and tell me if im wrong... one day, you may change from being fake to a real person.... that would be good for you.... and the best part about hits is.... it pisses you off im sure to read all of this.... you dont piss me off... you just give me more reasons to die.... if you kill yourself too... its okay... your gonna go to hell anyway for being wiccan... so it doesnt matter.... its sad but hey!!! thats what you get for fucking old men!!! they warp you! oh!... and the best part is... deep down inside... you konw that wiccan is wrong... your just trying to fit in... thats hwat you do... you change to fit the atmosphere......... it hurts me to say these things cause for some odd reason, even after all of this shit you do I STILL LOVE YOU!!! AND I DONT KNOW WHY!!! what do you have to offer me? a used pussy? i dont want that! a drugged up narcotic body? hell no! you probably have HIV now! especially after Alan aka "sparky" it still amazes me how you said "he only dates young asain women" wow... your not young and asain at all samantha!.....maybe my death will change your ways... maybe it will worsen them... but hey!!! just know that you let someone down in life...that I do blame you... that i would have NEVER felt this way or even thought things like this if YOU would have been FAITHFUL.... i didnt become insane till you drove me insane... just like my bitch mother did to my poor father.... im in the same situation... seeing the peron i love screw other men.... you know, my father walked in on my mother and someone else all the time? he knows how i feel most of all... what is sad though, is that you will probably never in your life time... ever experience a heartbreak... cause im starting to believe that someone or something... has made you heartless... and if thats true.. then you fooled me for 3 1/2 years.... if you talk to me again or not, thats okay... if you cry thats okay... if you hate me thats okay to... cause deep down inside... if you feel any of these things... then i was right.... cause things only hurt when there true..... if i hit any of these points on the head... then i was right.... i blame you samantha.... m y one... and only love... my darling... my only hope.... my only joy..... my wibbles.... yes.. those were good days.... im glad to say that you will have atleast one person who is not related to you that really does love you.. .cause compared to how much love i showed you... any boy your with... wlll just be a showdow.... a shadow to this Clock Tower Prison...... that i have built .... thank you... for proving to me that women... are not beautiful as i thought and proving to me that "happily ever afters" dont exist..... thank you for taking all my dreams away... thakn you for stealing my heart, stoping on it... and spitting on it... and throwing it away.... im beyond help.... im dead... in 2 days... sorry if it was harsh... but you really have killed any chance of me wanting to live...
     
  2. asri

    asri Well-Known Member

    i really hope u wud reconsider ur decision.. is one person breaking ur heart, worth giving up ur whole life for??

    stay safe
     
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