blonde jokes *no real offence meant*

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Puddytat, Oct 31, 2007.

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  1. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
    The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    She says, "What's the story?"
    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
    She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

    There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
    The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
    "I thought so," the docto r said. "Your finger is broken."

    A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
    Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
    "NO!" the blonde yelled b ack, "IT'S A SCARF!"

    A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
    The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
    To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
    She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
    Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
    "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.

    " They're watch dogs!"
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :laugh: thats me
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :laugh: :laugh:

    I SO need to be blonde! :tongue:
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    First ever male dumb blonde joke. An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde man are sitting on the 20th story of the metal frame of the building they are working on, getting ready to eat lunch. The Irishman opens his box and says, corned beef and cabbage! If I get this again tomorrow I will jump to my death. The Mexican opens his box and says, tacos. I'm sick of tacos, if I get this tomorrow I'll join you. The blonde opens his box and says, bologna sandwiches. If it is the same thing tomorrow, I'm jumping too.

    The next day the 3 are ready to eat lunch when the Irishman opens his box sees corned beef and cabbage and leaps to his death. The Mexican opens his box, sees tacos and follows the Irishman. The blonde opens his box, sees bologna sandwiches and joins his friends. At the funeral the wives are all sobbing. The Irishman's wife says, if only I had known he hated corned beef and cabbage I would of made him something else. The Mexican's wife says I could of made him enchilladas, burritos anything but tacos again. The people all turn and look at the blonde man's wife and she says, don't look at me, he packed his own lunches.
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