Well I've been a bit of mess for a few years now, it's got to the stage where I've had to go to the doctors and yeah so it's all real now I've been given many "you depressed bro?" leaflets to read through and stuff, they've even taken my blood to look at and I'm going back on thursday to see what's what, all I can see happening is the really nice doctor just refering me to some counciling thing. I'm living with my parents now but they have gone on holiday for 2 weeks and I'm on my own in an empty house and I just started drinking wine straight away, I thought I was going to do things that were good for me today, shit... Anyway, long story short I thought of doing on of those "online diaries" I always think these things are a load of shit, but then I thought "well, I remember feeling so unsure and unhappy about talking to somebody and not knowing what to do or what will happen, maybe I could share my experiences to help other people." I sound like a comple dickhead. I'll do it anyway. I'm a bit stupid and don't know how to express the words in my head through text. However, what I'm trying to say is: 5-6 years, I've known things aren't right in my head. I hurt myself. That is not normal, not right. I'm always unhappy. I don't find enjoyment out of anything I used to. I need to sort this shit out. I know there are other people out there that are the same, but maybe, are too afraid to do anything about it. Luckily for me, some people have pointed (or I could say... forced...but lovingly) me in the right direction. I am going to share my experiences on here (somehow). So that people can read it, and maybe gain some confidence to go seek help for themselves. E.g. what happens when you go to the doctors because you cannot sleep. what happens when they think something else is wrong. that the world is not against you. and probably, most importantly... ...the first "counselling" encounter. It sounds really shit when I play it back to myself in my own head, but meh, I don't care what I think or what anyone else thinks, I think I'll try do this anyway. I think that is what I wanted to say.