bloody bathtub fantasies

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Patch, May 15, 2008.

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  1. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    It's nice. Its been a few years since I've held my body hostage. I had forgotten how nice it feels. Will I feel like shit later? I don't know. Who knows. I played with a knife for awhile. Nothing much happened. I need something sharper. I took some of my dad's perscription pills. That was new. I'm a newbie and I'm taking it slow. I wouldn't call this a cry for help. A cry for help would be telling someone who knew me, who knew my face and name and where I lived. This is just some friendly sharing. God, I feel so much better. Researched the pills, nothing big, just took one more than I hould have. But I wonder if it'll put me out? I'll probably go get some more if it doesn't. kiss kiss. fuck I feel love stoned. This is nice.

    goddamn ocean metaphor. I won't go into it now, I'm not in the fucking mood to fucking talk.
     
  2. Boratz

    Boratz Well-Known Member

    [

    goddamn ocean metaphor. I won't go into it now, I'm not in the fucking mood to fucking talk.[/QUOTE]


    Get outta in there & do something productive. Moods comes & go. I am a pro on this one.

    I play tennis to realease my frustration & it keeps me from getting a knife.
     
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Why is it you decided to do these things after a few years? Have there been any signinficant changes in your life lately? Whatever the reason, I hope it subsides soon.
     
  4. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    gentlelady, your name and avatar are comforting...which I guess is what you were going for.


    I don't know whats happening. New things: ummm, random new things...I got into the university program I want, I can't afford university (but we'll figure something out), I still don't have a job, I haven't spoken to my ex, I've started re-connecting with an old friend (the only person I speak with out side of my family), the closer we get the more alone feel. I can't talk to anyone, she says I can talk to her and that she wants me to talk to her but I don't want to freak her out...she really dislikes an old friend of hers for always dumping her emotional crap on her. I'm afraid that she doesn't know how crazy I am and if she finds out she won't like me. That sounds so juvenile, but I think its true. But that can't be it? I don't know. I just felt so wierd last night and I knew I couldnt tell her, or anyone and I just wanted to slap myself in the face and pull out my hair and bite my hand. But I didn't do that this time (it never really helps) so I played with the knife, and even just holding it a caressing my arm felt really calming. haaaaaha, all our knives are dull. jokes on me.
     
  5. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    hmmm, my title is what I was fantasising about last night. I wonder if thats how a battery feels, all its life being drained until its just a dead mass without a purpose. No, I think it would feel nicer than that. Just calming. Blood's a beautiful colour.
     
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