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Blow off steam


Well-Known Member
So, my wife has been out of town for about 20 days, give or take...and i get a phone call from her today, accusing me of cheating on her, and how dare i be unfaithful blahblahblah, and the whole time I'm thinking "What the hell????" because i have never been anything but loyal.

So i ask where she was getting this idea from, and she said she got a msg from somebody,

turns out one of my ex's messaged her saying how "Ive been talking to her and flirting with her" and "heres his number, he gave it to me yesterday" when i hadn't talked to this girl in years, and I'm assuming she was just jealous that i was married or something...
HOW am i supposed to respond, how am i supposed to feel when my own wife doesn't trust me??


Staff Alumni
Hi Guard,

Extended period of separation can put a lot of stress on a couple. And maybe there are other underlying tensions between the two of you which have not been worked out. This sometimes result in a emotional distance and it gets much easier for the imagination to run amok. I think the two of you need a good heart to heart talk to clear the air. Maybe if there are a lot of other issues, marriage counseling would be a good idea. It did not happen in a while, but when hubby and I were apart, we would make a point of staying in contact most everyday, to check on each others. Now with the technology it is so easy not to loose touch. Even just a text message line saying " I am thinking of you and I miss you" during the day and a longer video talk on Skype after work everyday or every second day would go a long way. Anyhow, those are just some random thoughts that came to my mind. Maybe you'll find them helpful.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
You need to set up a time aside when she gets home tell her councilling is needed to get this trust issues settled once and for all. You need professional marriage councilling to get some issues out in the open so both of you can start finding ways to get connected again.
If someone is telling your wife that you're cheating on your wife with her I can understand why she'd be somewhat suspicious. Be sure to tell your wife that your ex could very well want to mess up your marriage for whatever reason, jealousy, envy, just being malicious or even possibly vindictive motives. Obviously you know this to be true if you haven't cheated.

I suggest pointing out why you like her and how you wouldn't do her like that possibly even that you're willing to prove you've been faithful, through a lie detector test or whatever if need be. Don't get overly defensive or emotional, in a calm demeanor express your view on things. if I were you I'd say without other signs of you cheating this lady saying you've been with her isn't much to go off on.

I'd also keep in mind that it's sometimes the case when someone accuses the other person of cheating they're projecting their own infidelity onto their partner. Some individuals even pick a fight(usually over nothing or something very minor) with their partner allowing them to feel justified in their need to seek the companionship of another person, this is also a form of projection and the blame game.

The whole timing of it all seems weird given that she's been away from you for 20 days.
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