• You may receive an error message when sending PMs at the moment. The message you're trying to send has been sent and if you refresh your screen, you will see it. Otherwise you may get many repeated messages. We're working on this!

Body and Hair dysmorphia

#1
TW: ED and dysmorphia
Hi everyone. After the past 19 years of my life, I feel like I needed an outlet to explain myself and why I feel the way I do; especially one where I can do so without being told to stop complaining and think positive. I’ve always been fairly small but kept weight on, and I developed an eating disorder in 8th grade. I won’t get into too many details bc it’s too much to explain, but I had anorexia and bulimia, and in about 4 years I lost 3/4 of my hair and became very sick looking. Then, I decided to try and recover on my own bc Moore than my body, my hair began making me feel disgusted and depressed. I gained weight but kept my bulimia. Some of my hair grew back but not in the way I wanted, and I just gained more weight. Now I am at a healthy weight and absolutely despise my body. My hair has been falling out so much and it’s so thin and lump and disgusting. I have bald patches and want to cry every time I wash my hair and more comes out. It’s so bad that I don’t want to show my face on days I don’t wash my hair bc it looks so thin and disgusting. I look like a cancer patient, but in my head I look fat too. This has taken so much of a toll on my confidence. I see other girls with thick flowing hair And tall skinny bodies and I want it so so badly. I would safracfuce anyhting to have thick hair and not have the bald patches j have right now. I feel gross in anything I wear both because of my body and my hair. I can’t go back to my ED bc I’ll lose even more hair and my metabolism is so slow now. I keep gaining weight and losing hair. Anytime I see anyone the first thing I look at is how much hair they have. I hate myself so much and know I can never be with anyone bc they’d be disgusted by me. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just die
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#3
I have body dysmorphia. It's the worst. I am also here to tell you that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and patient, because a lot of what's happening is your inner dialogue and you are seeing an image of yourself that probably no one else is seeing. We are our own worst enemies.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#4
I also have an ed and body dysmorphia. I'm really feeling for you in your distress. I destroyed my body and hate it. I somewhat understand a little of what you are describing. How are you doing now?
 
#5
Oh, I really understand you. I also had an eating disorder a couple of years ago, my mom went to another city to work, I lived alone at home. My girlfriend left me and I started to eat up my problems. The difficulties of self-determination and awareness of who I really am were added to the problems. I loved to eat, but I was always thin, but then food became my escape from problems and I gained 10 kg in a month. I only got better a few months later. Thanks to training and moderate nutrition, I managed to get myself in shape. It was so difficult for me that in order not to overeat, I measured the food on the smart scale. The main thing is not to give up, you can do anything if you just want to!
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$276.00
Goal
$255.00
Top