Body dismorphic disorder

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by werve, Aug 23, 2010.

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  1. werve

    werve New Member

    lifes bullshit...im 24 and i dont think i could honeslty bare a lifetime of this..i know other people get down from time to time but this has been going on for 5years....my work history is sketchy at best...i have body dismorphic disorder..everyday i just want to sleep.....alcohol is my only friend in these dark times....cant be bothered with anything really....and i know im unwell but other people thinking im a "waster" doesnt help me in the slightest...you know i want to kill myself and the only thing thats keeping me from doin that just now is proving them all right..but my willpower wont last forever. BDD is really really harsh and i wish for just one day i could see myself normally insetad of being a freak. god most people say im very handsome but i just see this ugly guy in the mirror and the paranoia in my head just tells me people are lying to me when they give me a compliment...there is only so long i can deal with this...just want to be happy but i feel its impossible...u know i didnt ask for this disorder or anyones pity...but sadly they come hand in hand..
     
  2. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    Have you ever gotten help for this? Was there anything that started this? You should really give up the alcohol, it will only create more problems.
     
  3. always lost

    always lost New Member

    I hear you. From the time I was a teenager I have never had problems with girls. Yet no matter how good others claim my body to be I hate them for being so blind and hate myself more.
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you struggle with BDD. Its a horrendous illness, but one you are clearly doing your best to fight.

    What support do you currently have? Have you had therapy? If you have, what type/s?
     
  5. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    That seems very similar to how I feel about myself, but for me it's based on gender: I see myself as ugly, but because I want to be a woman. I look OK as a guy, but I'm in constant pain because I don't want to be a guy.

    *pouncehugs* :hugtackles:
     
  6. Stray

    Stray Account Closed

    A shrink suggested i may have this, it is awful, everyone around me seems to think i'm stunning but what i see in the mirror disgusts me. It is the foundation of all my other problems.
     
  7. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    I know that intense feeling of self hate of your body/features. I cannot stand the feel of my skin or anthing else about me. I'm told I am beautiful except my emaciated body but I don't believe any of it....why should I? I believe I am ugly so what good is any one else's comments.....I'm reluctant too to tell my newpsychiatrist my thoughts b/c I hate the way BDD sounds...
     
  8. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I have body dysmorphic disorder too. It seems that it's more acceptable for females to have it than males; don't you think so? As a male, BDD makes the struggle harder.

    Where do I begin? I don't like my nose or my mouth. I want a bigger mouth with Hollywood teeth. Also, lately I've begun smelling like my dad. I don't want to smell like my dad. My dad smelled like shit.

    :cazza:
     
  9. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I just saw this thread now I have BDD and have had it for so many years now,Yes no doubt it's one of the most debilitating illnesses/conditions out there.I know how bad this really affects your life.
     
  10. MCull

    MCull New Member

    Hey, I also know what it's like to live with this.
    Since my middle teens I became aware that people thought I was beautiful. I would always have people comment on my appearance, men would stare and try to chat me up, some of my friends would repeatedly comment on how they wish they looked like me, but none of this ever made any sense to me and nor does it still to this day. I actually find this behaviour threatening.
    I know that these comments may sound narcissistic but that is truly not how I see myself. All I see when I look in the mirror is nothing, infact I don't even look in the mirror anymore. I hate myself!!!
    I can never discuss these thoughts or feelings with any practitioner as I feel they would think I'm arrogant and delusional.
    Every time I think things cannot get worse they actually do.
    I've come to the conclusion that the more you focus in on something the more real you make it. I've actually transformed myself into a hideous thing!
    Everday I live with this. It's ruined every facet of my life. The biggest thing that I've never even admitted to anyone is the fact that I haven't had sex for nearly ten years. I cannot bear anyone looking at me. I hate going out in public as it forces me to look people in the eye. I used to get very bad panic attacks which eventuated in my becoming agoraphobic. I couldn't leave my house for a year.
    I cannot see a way out of this. Every day I wish to be dead. I've tried many different methods to help with my problems, but they only ever seem to get worse. I feel as if I'm not even living, only existing. If I can't even function at a purely basic level then why am I here???
     
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