Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[Dolor]

I do have quite a few disorders, but Body Dysmorphia is the main one I have. I have had it for six years, since I was nine years old.

For people who do not know what Body Dysmorphic Disoder is, I found two links. The first link gives a longer more detailed answer to what BDD is and the second link is a bit more brief.

I'll be brief too. BDD is a form of OCD and can affect anyone. It can come about at any age. People believe they have defects on their bodies or faces and it really affects people's ordinary lives.

I was diagnosed when I was around eleven years old, but I believe I have had the disorder for more than two years before that. I wear a lot of make up, because I feel I need to cover up my face. I cannot leave the house without makeup on. My nose is awful. No one will admit it to me, but I think it's huge. My friends and family are too damn polite around me. No one ever admit things.

I really wanted to know if anyone else has it and if they'd like to share how they cope with it. I feel really alone. =(

 

[Scum]

I can sure you you are not alone.

I personally don't have BDD, but I do have an eating disorder, and most people with eating disorders have an inaccurate view of themselves. Not anywhere near what you go through, but on a milder level.

Maybe the reason that people don't tell you that things are wrong withj you is because they aren't. Remember that you view yourself different from how you actually look, so maybe you need to try and believe them because they will actually tell you the truth. Maybe there is nothing to actually admit.

Do you have therapy for it? Are you on meds?

Hang in there

 

[theleastofthese]

I've never liked my looks or my body but my dislike never took such overwhelming proportions as yours. I used to wear a lot of makeup as a teen cause I (thought I) looked so awful without it. When I got out of high school I threw it all away and told myself that no matter what I looked like, it was me and that was that. I gave up on my looks and just decided to live with it, they weren't going to change. To this day I'm still dissatisfied with my looks but don't care much what others think about how I look as long as I'm clean and dressed decently. If others don't like how I look, they don't have to look at me.

I was at a bar once when a guy came up to me, sat down, and said, "Not much of a looker, are you?" I said, "No, but I'm a great listener. Got anything intelligent to say?". That's how I feel about it.:laugh:

least

 

[Scum]

I was at a bar once when a guy came up to me, sat down, and said, "Not much of a looker, are you?" I said, "No, but I'm a great listener. Got anything intelligent to say?".

I think that is absolutely bloody terrific, go you!

 

[Ruby]

hahaha great comeback :biggrin:

 

[Edicius si Evol]

Somehow I think I may be suffering from it aswell.

I am checking myself and my appearance in the mirror all the time.

It is like an obsession. I am checking if I look good or ugly and i always figure i look ugly and i look what i can do better.

I am comparing myself with others a lot.

I am also crying a lot about my looks and have depressions.

I once wanted to cut my face..but then i didn't dare it and cut my arms instead.

 

[Evo_L]

I was diagnosed with this.

I do keep on looking in the mirror all the time, I deliberately squish up my face and stick my belly out to see what I look like in more uncomprimising postions. I have actually set up a camera and filmed myself candidly too to see how I look without posing.

I am obsessed by the way I look, I can't get over it to be honest. I suffer a fair bit of random abuse for being fat when I was younger, I've since lost all the weight but I'm still obsessed by the way I look. I look at the scales and it says I'm perfect weight but I still think I look really fat.

I don't know what the solution is for it, I've got some really nasty problems on my body now, they won't treat me for them until I've had the all-clear from another doctor, bit fucking cruel if you ask me, regardless of my mental condition my physical problems are very much real and unacceptable.

Thing is people do treat you different by the way you look, I noticed when I gained lots of weight people spoke down to me and treated me like I was stupid. At school people used to make random ill-remarks about me all the time, right to my face too. Am I now to think out in the adult world a shred of that mentality doesn't exist still? Nearly everyday I read something in the papers about 'Sucessful people are athletic, tall and have cracking pearly white teeth'. There's articles like this virtually every week or more.

Look at films, nearly every bad guy is scarred or disfigured in someway, the comic book films being classic examples of this: The Joker, Two Face, The Penguin, Dr Octagon, The Green what-yer-call it...etc . Even films like platoon, the bad veteran has a massive scar down the side of his face while good old wholesome Charlie Sheen is still glowing from a recent spa-treatment. If they're not disabled or disfigured they're usually overweight, short or ugly. Even cartoons have a streak of this element, Elma Thudd (SP?) is a short bald chubby idiot whilst bugs bunny is a tall sprite clean fit quick witted. There's examples everwhere.

It's damning prospect to think that your success in life may be entirely based on the way you look. That you're not getting a job because people see you as inferior because you're not good looking or have undesirable traits.

There's currently a boom in growth hormones for young children who are short, this was actually sparked off by a survey run by a newyork magazine/newspaper that found most the of the successful people in companies were all over 6ft tall.

Body fascism is the term I believe and there's shit loads of it about and people wonder why so many people feel shit about themselves when the media is constantly coming out with this confused neo-darwinist drivel.

 

[smackh2o]

What about when you know there is something wrong with your body but every person keeps telling you there's not , but you can quite plainly see there is. It just makes me feel worse and worse. I want to go outside in this sunshine but I cant because I know what everyone is looking at.

BTW Evo L, excellent observation!

 

[Rachx]

I was diagnosed last september. I believe ive had it since i was 9, possibly younger because even as a toddler i remember being extremely self-consious x

 

[VALIS]

Yeah this is a horrible disorder to suffer from. IT takes up so much of your time!!! I will try on endless combinations of clothes just to see if I look fat...and then to try and see myself objectively, in case I look ridiculous or don't match or whatever else could possibly be improved. When I'm outside in public I will forget to suck in my stomach and feel like other people are seeing me as fat...I will always carry this with me and people will always be critical.

But you know what I can tell you, on the positive side, is that when you are comfortable with how you look then you are at your most attractive. Never ever leave the house in something that is too tight or makes you self-conscious. when you feel good you look good, and this is really honestly true. if you're shuffling like you're nervous, or covering your stomach with your arms, or sitting awkwardly because you're insecure about how you look, that is a huge flag to other people that you don't see yourself as attractive, and that makes you less appealing in itself. i'm down to like 3 pairs of pants that *I think* make me look good, so I hardly wear anything else. but the hell with it!! I'd rather do laundry every damn day than feel fat and ugly. I know they look good so it's less stress on me.

well, another thing. once you know you're comfortable with how you look, don't even look in mirrors if you can help it. don't let anything change your opinion about how you look, carrry that confidence with you and protect it with your life. it's hard!!
no but seriously, this disorder sucks major ballz. i hate it. i'm so relieved to meet other people like this...i don't feel so weird now

 

[Syd]

I was at a bar once when a guy came up to me, sat down, and said, "Not much of a looker, are you?" I said, "No, but I'm a great listener. Got anything intelligent to say?". That's how I feel about it.:laugh:

least

Here's another one for you. ;p

If a guy calls you stupid/ugly/etc.

Just say, "We have a lot in common then, let's be friends."

 

[underdosed]

I havent been diagnosed with it but that sounds like me. I am OBSESSED with facial and body symmetry (because beauty is symmetry). I love people with symmetrical faces and i hate myself because im not. one side of my face is higher then the other. my right eye and ear are higher then my left. also, i have a slight eating disorder, so when i lost weight certain parts of my body that used to be and should be symmetrical no longer are. its humiliating it makes me feel like a freak and even when people tell me i look fine, i know theyre just patronizing me.

 

[Rachx]

I do have quite a few disorders, but Body Dysmorphia is the main one I have. I have had it for six years, since I was nine years old.

exactly the same here. suffered for six years since i was 9 too
i've been working on it for nearly a year now with no improvements but hopefully it'l start to work soon x

 

[Shogun]

I have BDD bad!!!

Here's a forum for it that I find a little helpful... BDDcentral

 

[Hae-Gi]

I most certainly have it... not been diagnosed with it, but I doubtlessly have it, anyway. Not that I see why it should be classified as a disorder...

Maybe I should begin with pointing out I'm a man. I think about my appearance with great intensity. However, I do not just think about my appearance, but everyone's; especially noses... every time I see a nose, I look at what should be improved. However, I naturally think most about my own appearance. I've thought a lot about plastic surgery, even though I look better than the vast majority of people... most people seem to think this, too; not just me. I do not think as much about plastic surgery anymore, though... used to think a lot about my nose, before, but I mainly think about requiring a skin peeling, now. Of course, regardless what is done, I will age like everybody. As such, I've decided to kill myself before around the age of 35, so I won't lose too much of my appearance.

Like you, I wear make-up, as well... my face looks millions of times better with it. Due to not having had the peeling of my skin done, I also have to cover parts of my face with skin coloured make-up. Recently, I've started letting my nails grow... I take great care of them so my hands will look more feminine. Unfortunately, due to my filth consideration, my hands have been fairly wrinkled, due to me washing them with great intensity... only the front side, though... it doesn't show that much.

 

[Hae-Gi]

Oh, and also, like underdosed, I look for symmetry very much.

When I walk past a window, I *always* look if I look okay, and if my hair looks good.

My obsession with beauty is the reason why I like romantic manga/manhwa and bishôjo games, so much... they usually have flawless bodies and looks. If I die without having found my true love, I hope I will be reborn in some other dimension, where everybody looks like manga characters.

 

[-Deception-]

Aye, been there, done that.

I've had BDD since the day I properly saw myself in a big mirror with different angle views. I was horrified to see all the things that needed correcting. From then and on mirrors have been my best friends and my greatest enemies, for I can't live without them but they cause so much distress since they reflect ME.

I can't walk into a room without being conscious about which side I'm showing. I'll never sit down to the right of someone since that would let them have a clear view of the left side of my face (the left side being my "bad" side). Picking out clothes in the morning is a project in itself and making myself ready for work takes about two and a half hour.

Like many of you seem to be, I too am obsessed with beauty and symmetry, especially when it comes to the face. Regardless of whether I see a beautiful woman or man I can sit and stare at them for ages. Just admire their perfect lines, beautiful skin and whatnot. And it doesn't look like they have to put much effort into looking like that.

I hate mankind. I hate it with a flaming passion, tbh. But one thing I can't deny is that beauty is one of mankind's finer traits. Too bad it withers with time and dies just like everything else.

 

[Rachx]

I have BDD bad!!!

Here's a forum for it that I find a little helpful... BDDcentral

Hey Babalu,
I use those forums too (username is rachel) have they not been working for you over the last couple of weeks or is it just me? haha x

 

[letdown]

I like your post Evo.

 

[letdown]

The more and more I think about it..and I've been thinking about this a lot the past few months- this is the exact thing I have to explore to get out of the mess I find myself in. My body, my self hate (I have an ED) and what I do/wear/ say/ think and how that relates to everything around me. For years, I've either used psychiatric language, or I just sit and laugh at the labels thrown at me, or I am in this strange limbo of not wanting/wary of adopting any identity, (wearing as a mask without thinking and to be accepted) because it is very frightening to think that yeah, I'm going to piss off a lot of people by saying this is who I am or 'am I really this, what does it mean, am I just appearing to fit in?'.

Either 'who I am' comes organically or not at all...and maybe there isn't a fixed 'who am I' (in terms of gender, culture, sexuality, "where I come from") but a fluid play...something that always changes, but instead of shying away from questions and looking at myself and saying "I am a nothing" there's a wealth of things that would actually help me, but what do I do? Surround myself with things/people that make me ill and frustrated because I'm so used to it and it's much safer.

It's funny that I am seen to fit in with a 'borderline' diagnosis by some psychologist who doesn't know me and who doesn't understand that not many people actually think about who they are, so when I'm open about not knowing who I am, oh she's borderline !! For a mental health professional to say someone suffers from cPTSD (related to any type of destructive-but-helpful coping the person develops) is a hugely political thing to say, because apparently, all the young people in my family have a personality disorder apart from my parents. They are normal and sane you see.:laugh: If I'm borderline because I can't handle stress, then I agree but to say that I've been damaged and not look at the root (because it has social/political implications) that's...I don't know, there's something really sick about that.